Tuesday 7th October  2:38 am Good Morning

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Nelson's Column October Trick or Treat? 28th October 2005 Oh no, tiny children are ringing my doorbell! As the office ghouls up for our annual Halloween bash, the usual studious quiet of the editorial department is punctuated by eerie screams and sinister gurgles emanating from the streets of London. Leading this reporter to reflect on the joy of celebrating this macabre festival in the spookiest capital city in the world. This weekend and on Monday, thousands of zombies, ghosts and big fat pumpkins will take to the streets to celebrate the ancient festival of evil and paganism which actually predates the Christian tradition. It is a thrilling time of year. But you wouldn’t know it to read the familiar grousing in our national press. Every year at this time, the newspapers are flooded with stories decrying the popular pastime of trick or treating. It seems this sinister blackmail is too much for the population to bear – or perhaps it’s a vocal minority? For my money, decent ordinary folk living in terror of the arrival of children on their doorstep need to re-examine their attitudes to greedy children. They’re cute! Or they could try living on Moss Side. When I was a student my house was visited by a Kappa-clad youth of not more than ten whose own version of ‘trick or treat’ was ‘give me a pound or I’ll smash your window’. This charming scamp visited not once a year but every Saturday. ‘What?!’ I hear you thunder, that’s precisely the problem with Halloween, it licenses these terrors to disguise themselves and maraud around in gangs. And each year the terror mongers find at least a couple of stories of people scared out of their wits by Halloween. Well I’m sorry, but I get a lot more upset by persistent local canvassers for politicians. And how dare those takeaway merchants bestrew my doormat with their menus? It’s all filth! I mean, obviously it’s preferable if the youngsters are accompanied by adults, but this is mainly for their safety rather than that of the public. The tradition of giving sweets to moppets may seem cloying and American to some, but I think it’s jolly nice. To be honest, I don’t see how anyone who has ever received Halloween candy could begrudge the little blighters. Have a truly spooky Halloween in haunted old London. And if you really don’t think your nerves can handle an exchange of sweets and patronising pleasantries with the local yobs, then lock your door, pretend to be out, and brace yourself for something unpleasant on your doormat. That’s how I treat my local MP. The Price of Fame Ticket prices for West End musicals are rocketing. Shows such as ‘Mary Poppins’ and ‘Guys and Dolls’ currently charge up to £55 per seat; calling into question the accessibility of London’s Theatreland. Producers cite escalating production costs, despite evidence that ‘Guys and Dolls’ recouped £3m investment costs in just 17 weeks. Oyster Now Even Tastier London bus and tube fares are set to rise again next year – but only to customers paying by cash; a one-way tube journey in Zone One will cost £3 instead of £2. However, holders of pre-pay Oyster cards will be treated to a reduction in cost - a Zone One Tube ride will fall from £1.70 to £1.50 - half the cash fare. Sinatra makes the Ultimate Comeback Frank Sinatra is due to perform on the London stage in February 2006 – seven years after his death. The £5m show, ‘Sinatra at the London Palladium’, will use home movie footage of a 20ft tall virtual Sinatra, projected onto 3D screens around the theatre, to tell the life story of the legendary crooner. September 2008 23rd September Chips too Chavvy for Chelsea 16th September The London Restaurant Awards August 2008 26th August No Smoking, No Ducks, No Barbecues 20th August The Olympics July 2008 24th July Sandwiched Out 17th July The Show Ain't Over 'Til the Fat Lady's on Page 3 June 2008 26th June Love All at Wimbledon 16th June Miller Puts the Heat on Tennant May 2008 27th May Booze Banned on Buses 20th May Same Again? April 2008 23rd April By George 11th April Back to the 80s March 2008 28th March How do You Solve A Problem Like Medea? 20th March Flight Fantastic February 2008 20th February Dark, Satanic Turnmills 6th February A Diamond in the Drink January 2008 21st January People Wanted for Plinth 14th January Boo! Hiss! December 2007 28th December Tate That - A Hirst for Art 20th December Christmas Shopping November 2007 27th November Mind the Gap 26th November London On A Tray October 2007 26th October Leaving the Station 14th October The Sky's the Limit September 2007 26th September The Play Within A Play 19th September Fashion, Frocks and Celeb Shocks 12th September Saying Tanks for the Mammaries August 2007 24th August Heathrow under Siege 17th August Gormless 10th August Losing Face July 2007 24th July Are We Reaching Boiling Point Yet This Summer? 13th July Red Ken versus Blonde Boris June 2007 22nd June Last Orders at the Fag Machine 11th June London the Musical May 2007 21st May What Lurks Beneath 10th May The Stuff Dreams Are Made Of April 2007 27th April London’s Walk on the Wild Side 20th April Stand Behind the Yellow Line 13th April Like Water for Chocolate March 2007 23rd March So, Another Magazine 16th March Avoiding iContact February 2007 23rd February Sex and Art... 16th February C-Charge Protest Fails to Bring Down Government 9th February Live Earth London January 2007 26th January A Vote for Shilpa is a Vote for Britain 18th January Carriage on up the West End December 2006 29th December Food for Thought 22nd December A Poisonous Marketing Campaign 15th December In for a Penny, In for Five Pounds November 2006 17th November Big Department Stores Leave Santa Out in the Cold 10th November Failing to Save the World October 2006 27th October Frozen Prawns and Melting Icecaps 20th October Predatory Pelicans and Happy Woodland Folk 13th October Hope at last for east end of Oxford Street September 2006 16th September Lite the Blue Paper and Stand Well Back 9th September Of Poles and Twiglets August 2006 25th August Free Fares For the Fat and the Fashionable 11th August London Friendly 4th August Archway To Organic Heaven July 2006 21st July London - Celebrity Frat House 7th July Out of the Galleries into the Streets June 2006 23rd June Mayors, Nightmares and Marias 16th June Downright Rude in Paris and London 9th June Enter the Inferno May 2006 26th May Curvaceous Border 12th May Vegging Out April 2006 21st April The Camden Crawl 17th April Down the Pan 13th April I Want to Break Free 9th April Big Brother seems to have been left in a bar somewhere 7th April Don't Box Me In March 2006 24th March Political Correctness Reaches New Heights February 2006 24th February A Stadium's Tale: Cup Final Goes West 17th February Modern Musicals are Rubbish 10th February The City-Side Alliance January 2006 20th January February Sales 20th January Moby Sick 13th January Glass Half Full 3rd January Three Cheers for the Tube Station Workers December 2005 22nd December January Bites 16th December A Remarkable Year November 2005 25th November And a Partridge in a JCB 11th November Driving Miss Sadie 4th November Spam, Spam, Spammity-Spam, Shakespeare, Zorro, Chico and Rasputin October 2005 28th October Trick or Treat? 21st October We Don't Mind a Little Delay... 14th October Final Resting Place for Young British Artists September 2005 16th September Just a small urn for me, please barman 9th September DRINK! DRINK! DRINK! 2nd September The Free Tenor August 2005 30th August Samba Rhythms Breaking Out All Over The Stadium 20th August Getting Behind the Iron Farce 10th August Mystery Play is No Sell Out July 2005 29th July Moving On From 7/7 22nd July Get loaded in the park