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Wednesday 20th August 
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Nelson's Column
December
A Remarkable Year 16th December 2005
The Ashes, Live8, July 7th and the Olympics mean that nobody will ever forget 2005
Happy Friday everyone, and welcome to three weeks of sleep deprivation and alcohol poisoning. From now until 2006, there’s no staying in, so I thought I’d go a little early with my review of the year, since by the end of this month I’m going to have forgotten the lot.

January
Kim Cattrall, Patrick Stewart and Joshua Jackson lead a Hollywood invasion of the West End that will continue all year. The astonishing production of Don Carlos at the Gielgud Theatre becomes one of my favourite things ever.

February

Victoria Wood, Neil Morrissey, Julie Walters and Celia Imrie camp it up in Acorn Antiques. I meet Graham Norton at the aftershow party. ‘The Triumph of Painting’ suggests that Saatchi is losing his touch, and that his new South Bank gallery has blunted his edge.

March

Mayor Ken has a hilarious drunken argument with a Daily Mail reporter. 10,000 Londoners meet in Trafalgar Square to hear Nelson Mandela calling for the end of poverty, in an event I thought was way cooler than Live 8 (OK, I’m just bitter because I didn’t get a ticket).

April

Prince Charles does what he should have done 20 years ago, and marries somebody he actually likes. The Burlesque craze sweeps across London in a riot of nipple-tassles and terrible puns, before sinking without trace as everyone realises what an embarrassment the whole thing is.

May

I go to a fabulous General Election party, which more than makes up for the shocking dullness of the event itself. The English National Ballet almost folds under the sheer weight of its own incompetence. I fall in love with Ewan McGregor all over again, after seeing him in Guys and Dolls.

June

The Nation decides its favourite ‘Picture of Britain’ in Tate Modern’s magical exhibition. Sienna Miller makes her first appearance on the West End stage, to mixed reviews. The Glastonbury Festival floats gently downstream.

July

Glenn Mcgrath arrives in England declaring that the Aussies are going to win the Ashes. Live8 gets 250,000 people to simultameously call for an end to poverty. London beats Paris in the race to host the Olympic games… and then everything changes. Nearly two decades after Canary wharf, terrorism returns to London. Londoners react with their usual mixture of good humoured moaning and quiet optimism – rival websites www.wearenotafraid.com and www.wearefuckingterrified.com reflect the general mood.

August

A fabulous month to be outside in London. Performance in Trafalagar Square, theatre on the South Bank, music in every green space in the city, and the best Notting Hill Carnival in living memory. The London Bubble open air theatre company (wonderful, by the way) accidentally lock everyone into Waterlow Park on their press night.

September

Behind the Iron Mask’s two-week run has critics suggesting it might be the worst musical ever to appear on The West End stage. England reclaim the Ashes from Australia, and Freddie, KP, Tresco and the rest follow an entire nights drinking do with an open-top bus journey round London.

October

Once again, the Frieze Art Fair is the social event of the year, as well as a great show. The crowds at the National Gallery's blockbuster Rubens exhibition nearly give me a nervous breakdown. Halloween is bigger than ever, with American-style costumes and parties breaking out all over the capital.

November

Shows without words are all the rage, as Edward Scissorhands and The Blue Man Group become the two most exciting things on the London stage. The fabulous Henri Rousseau exhibition (still open, you must go) brings jungles to the Tate. 24-hour drinking comes to London, but mysteriously we don’t all become violent alcoholics.

December

Well, we’re two weeks in, and I’ve been having a quiet time. I’m excited about the Unicorn, London’s first children’s theatre; I’m going to spend New Year’s Eve at the incredibly trendy Rockwell Gallery; and I’d like to wish you all a very Merry Christmas.

It really has been an extraordinary year in this great city of ours.
The GrogFather
Christmas came early for drinkers at the Windsor Castle pub in Notting Hill this year, when film icon Robert De Niro popped in for a quick half. In a celebratory mood after filming ‘The Good Shepherd’, the Hollwood legend treated the locals to £5000 of booze. Cheers!
Romancing the Bone
Hayley, a dog from Chigwell, won one of London’s most prestigious canine competitions this month. The crossbreed and Barbara Cartland look-alike won the Dog Most Like a Celebrity (bitch class) in the Companion Dog Club Competition at the Discover Dogs show, Earl’s Court.
Living on Buried Time
The pitch at London's new Wembley Stadium will hide a secret time-travelling message. A time capsule containing a signed England football shirt, 2012 Olympic bid memorabilia and part of the old stadium's twin towers has been buried under the famous turf.
July 2008
24th July
Sandwiched Out
17th July
The Show Ain't Over 'Til the Fat Lady's on Page 3
June 2008
26th June
Love All at Wimbledon
16th June
Miller Puts the Heat on Tennant
May 2008
27th May
Booze Banned on Buses
20th May
Same Again?
April 2008
23rd April
By George
11th April
Back to the 80s
March 2008
28th March
How do You Solve A Problem Like Medea?
20th March
Flight Fantastic
February 2008
20th February
Dark, Satanic Turnmills
6th February
A Diamond in the Drink
January 2008
21st January
People Wanted for Plinth
14th January
Boo! Hiss!
December 2007
28th December
Tate That - A Hirst for Art
20th December
Christmas Shopping
November 2007
27th November
Mind the Gap
26th November
London On A Tray
October 2007
26th October
Leaving the Station
14th October
The Sky's the Limit
September 2007
26th September
The Play Within A Play
19th September
Fashion, Frocks and Celeb Shocks
12th September
Saying Tanks for the Mammaries
August 2007
24th August
Heathrow under Siege
17th August
Gormless
10th August
Losing Face
July 2007
24th July
Are We Reaching Boiling Point Yet This Summer?
13th July
Red Ken versus Blonde Boris
June 2007
22nd June
Last Orders at the Fag Machine
11th June
London the Musical
May 2007
21st May
What Lurks Beneath
10th May
The Stuff Dreams Are Made Of
April 2007
27th April
London’s Walk on the Wild Side
20th April
Stand Behind the Yellow Line
13th April
Like Water for Chocolate
March 2007
23rd March
So, Another Magazine
16th March
Avoiding iContact
February 2007
23rd February
Sex and Art...
16th February
C-Charge Protest Fails to Bring Down Government
9th February
Live Earth London
January 2007
26th January
A Vote for Shilpa is a Vote for Britain
18th January
Carriage on up the West End
December 2006
29th December
Food for Thought
22nd December
A Poisonous Marketing Campaign
15th December
In for a Penny, In for Five Pounds
November 2006
17th November
Big Department Stores Leave Santa Out in the Cold
10th November
Failing to Save the World
October 2006
27th October
Frozen Prawns and Melting Icecaps
20th October
Predatory Pelicans and Happy Woodland Folk
13th October
Hope at last for east end of Oxford Street
September 2006
16th September
Lite the Blue Paper and Stand Well Back
9th September
Of Poles and Twiglets
August 2006
25th August
Free Fares For the Fat and the Fashionable
11th August
London Friendly
4th August
Archway To Organic Heaven
July 2006
21st July
London - Celebrity Frat House
7th July
Out of the Galleries into the Streets
June 2006
23rd June
Mayors, Nightmares and Marias
16th June
Downright Rude in Paris and London
9th June
Enter the Inferno
May 2006
26th May
Curvaceous Border
12th May
Vegging Out
April 2006
21st April
The Camden Crawl
17th April
Down the Pan
13th April
I Want to Break Free
9th April
Big Brother seems to have been left in a bar somewhere
7th April
Don't Box Me In
March 2006
24th March
Political Correctness Reaches New Heights
February 2006
24th February
A Stadium's Tale: Cup Final Goes West
17th February
Modern Musicals are Rubbish
10th February
The City-Side Alliance
January 2006
20th January
February Sales
20th January
Moby Sick
13th January
Glass Half Full
3rd January
Three Cheers for the Tube Station Workers
December 2005
22nd December
January Bites
16th December
A Remarkable Year
November 2005
25th November
And a Partridge in a JCB
11th November
Driving Miss Sadie
4th November
Spam, Spam, Spammity-Spam, Shakespeare, Zorro, Chico and Rasputin
October 2005
28th October
Trick or Treat?
21st October
We Don't Mind a Little Delay...
14th October
Final Resting Place for Young British Artists
September 2005
16th September
Just a small urn for me, please barman
9th September
DRINK! DRINK! DRINK!
2nd September
The Free Tenor
August 2005
30th August
Samba Rhythms Breaking Out All Over The Stadium
20th August
Getting Behind the Iron Farce
10th August
Mystery Play is No Sell Out
July 2005
29th July
Moving On From 7/7
22nd July
Get loaded in the park
15th July
Victoire!!
June 2005
24th June
New Balls, Please
17th June
The End of an Unsightly Era