Tuesday 6th January  13:31 pm Good Afternoon

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Nelson's Column December January Bites 22nd December 2005 The month of being skint and doing nothing “Money, money it’s the root of all evil” Horace Andy sang - the line tellingly pilfered from the Bible. If that’s really the case, we have just passed through the most malevolent month of the year. I would have to borrow some limbs to count the number of times I’ve been told this past month that Christmas has become an enormous, sickening, greedy, glutinous orgy of commercialism. Jesus would be turning in his grave, if he hadn’t risen from the dead. I must confess, I am as guilty as anyone else – having spent more this year on presents, parties and festive drinks than at any time previously in my not unindulgent life. There just seem to be more people to buy for and they deserve bigger and better things. But it’s not just about the gifts – December is a month to loosen the belt-buckle, to forget about sliding into those hipsters, and to treat yourself and those around you. Frittering your money over the Christmas period is OK – I plan to spend Boxing Day at the races and squander all the money I receive from relatives on charmingly named horses. A small part of me wishes someone would give me some sage advice to halt my gambling in its tracks, but it’s great fun, just part of the annual blow-out, isn’t it? All and sundry were getting in on the act. Robert De Niro was spotted at the Windsor Castle Pub in Notting Hill splashing £5000 on some festive cheer for the delighted locals. The dreadful penguin-napping of poor Toga from a zoo on the Isle of Wight had the all-but-forgotten Black Sabbath bassist - ‘Geezer’ - whipping out his cheque book and offering a £5000 reward and an anonymous donor £10,000 (De Niro again?). Would this flurry of generosity have happened at any other time of year? All this tosh about buying people a load of stuff they don’t want or need really needs a rethink. I NEED my Estee Lauder mascara, I can’t afford it on my lowly salary. Christmas is simply a great time to enjoy those luxuries you wouldn’t otherwise allow yourself, and to show your friends and family how thoughtful you are. This January we’ll all have breakdowns about our haemorrhaged bank accounts, curse our protruding bellies, then stay in, only venturing out for torturous sessions at the gym. Of course, there’s the temptations of the January sales to contend with (it really is the cheapest time of year to buy clothes…) and you might have to renew your gym membership, but at least everyone’s skint, nothing’s going on, and no-one’s going out. There’s a certain camaraderie about the austerity of January, just as there is with the excess of Christmas. And you can’t have one with out the other. Phony photo dupes gamer One eager Londoner, desperate to snap up some Christmas bargains, reportedly spent £470 on a photograph of an Xbox on auction website Ebay. The scammed shopper now joins the ranks of other gullible bargain-hunters taken in by misleading descriptions on the site. Second Nelson Vetoed London Mayor, Ken Livingstone’s bid to install a bronze statue of Nelson Mandela in Trafalgar Square has been quashed by the Office of the Deputy Prime Minister after a series of appeals. The ruling said that the symmetrical layout of the North Terrace was unsuitable for the statue and that the "uncluttered and calm nature" of the space would be unacceptably compromised by its installation. Money for Old Boat The Heritage Lottery Fund has offered the Cutty Sark Trust £13 million towards the ship's restoration. The historic vessel will be raised on a glass canopy with an exhibition hall located under the great hull. Previous plans to erect a bubble over the attraction while work was finished were panned by English Heritage chiefs. December 2008 23rd December January is on the Horizon 20th December Merry Christmas November 2008 26th November All The World's A Stage 20th November Surviving the Crunch October 2008 24th October Boris v Jingjing 17th October Soaps in Pole Position September 2008 23rd September Chips too Chavvy for Chelsea 16th September The London Restaurant Awards August 2008 26th August No Smoking, No Ducks, No Barbecues 20th August The Olympics July 2008 24th July Sandwiched Out 17th July The Show Ain't Over 'Til the Fat Lady's on Page 3 June 2008 26th June Love All at Wimbledon 16th June Miller Puts the Heat on Tennant May 2008 27th May Booze Banned on Buses 20th May Same Again? April 2008 23rd April By George 11th April Back to the 80s March 2008 28th March How do You Solve A Problem Like Medea? 20th March Flight Fantastic February 2008 20th February Dark, Satanic Turnmills 6th February A Diamond in the Drink January 2008 21st January People Wanted for Plinth 14th January Boo! Hiss! December 2007 28th December Tate That - A Hirst for Art 20th December Christmas Shopping November 2007 27th November Mind the Gap 26th November London On A Tray October 2007 26th October Leaving the Station 14th October The Sky's the Limit September 2007 26th September The Play Within A Play 19th September Fashion, Frocks and Celeb Shocks 12th September Saying Tanks for the Mammaries August 2007 24th August Heathrow under Siege 17th August Gormless 10th August Losing Face July 2007 24th July Are We Reaching Boiling Point Yet This Summer? 13th July Red Ken versus Blonde Boris June 2007 22nd June Last Orders at the Fag Machine 11th June London the Musical May 2007 21st May What Lurks Beneath 10th May The Stuff Dreams Are Made Of April 2007 27th April London’s Walk on the Wild Side 20th April Stand Behind the Yellow Line 13th April Like Water for Chocolate March 2007 23rd March So, Another Magazine 16th March Avoiding iContact February 2007 23rd February Sex and Art... 16th February C-Charge Protest Fails to Bring Down Government 9th February Live Earth London January 2007 26th January A Vote for Shilpa is a Vote for Britain 18th January Carriage on up the West End December 2006 29th December Food for Thought 22nd December A Poisonous Marketing Campaign 15th December In for a Penny, In for Five Pounds November 2006 17th November Big Department Stores Leave Santa Out in the Cold 10th November Failing to Save the World October 2006 27th October Frozen Prawns and Melting Icecaps 20th October Predatory Pelicans and Happy Woodland Folk 13th October Hope at last for east end of Oxford Street September 2006 16th September Lite the Blue Paper and Stand Well Back 9th September Of Poles and Twiglets August 2006 25th August Free Fares For the Fat and the Fashionable 11th August London Friendly 4th August Archway To Organic Heaven July 2006 21st July London - Celebrity Frat House 7th July Out of the Galleries into the Streets June 2006 23rd June Mayors, Nightmares and Marias 16th June Downright Rude in Paris and London 9th June Enter the Inferno May 2006 26th May Curvaceous Border 12th May Vegging Out April 2006 21st April The Camden Crawl 17th April Down the Pan 13th April I Want to Break Free 9th April Big Brother seems to have been left in a bar somewhere 7th April Don't Box Me In March 2006 24th March Political Correctness Reaches New Heights February 2006 24th February A Stadium's Tale: Cup Final Goes West 17th February Modern Musicals are Rubbish 10th February The City-Side Alliance January 2006 20th January February Sales 20th January Moby Sick 13th January Glass Half Full 3rd January Three Cheers for the Tube Station Workers December 2005 22nd December January Bites 16th December A Remarkable Year November 2005 25th November And a Partridge in a JCB 11th November Driving Miss Sadie 4th November Spam, Spam, Spammity-Spam, Shakespeare, Zorro, Chico and Rasputin October 2005 28th October Trick or Treat? 21st October We Don't Mind a Little Delay... 14th October Final Resting Place for Young British Artists September 2005 16th September Just a small urn for me, please barman 9th September DRINK! DRINK! DRINK!