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January
Moby Sick 20th January 2006
Wayward Whale Breathes his Last in Thames
In a month where Pete Burn deemed animal welfare passé by flaunting an (allegedly) monkey fur coat unashamedly around the Celebrity Big Brother house, Londoners proved they still care about the natural world. Not one of us can have missed the drama and ultimate tragedy of sightseeing whale, Wally, as he journeyed up the Thames last week. And it wasn’t just the capital getting involved; Sun readers from around the country clubbed together to save his remains for display in the Natural History Museum, and the world press picked up on the story with reports all over the US and as far as Turkey, Malaysia and Chile.

Crowds of Londoners lined the banks of the Thames as Wally crept up stream, past the Houses of Parliament, all the way to Battersea. It was the first time a whale had been spotted in the Thames in nearly one hundred years of records, so people were keen to get a piece of what was likely to be a one-off chance. London’s got plenty of parks and a famous zoo – but there’s nothing quite like seeing a majestic animal like a whale in the wild. Remember - people pay thousands to go on whale-watching trips. Like Haley’s comet, we’re unlikely to see such a sight again. Perhaps it was the incongruous juxtaposition of Wally in front of our famous landmarks which captured the imagination so firmly.

However, in amongst all the warm feelings Wally brought to the surface, he also provoked some cynical laments:

‘It’s just a bloody whale’.

‘Who gave a second thought to the plight of whales before we had one in the Thames - and who will care next week?’

‘Was Wally simply a blinding excuse to leave the office?’

I must confess to agreeing on all counts. Yes, it’s only a whale and not a very impressive one compared to what I’ve seen on TV. And no, I haven’t given much thought to whales since I watched Blue Peter 15 years ago. And, yes, if truth be told, I was in the middle of a mind-numbing bit of copy-editing when Wally popped up, a welcome distraction. A part of me wants to throw all the schmaltz right out of my seventh-storey window, but I loved Wally. There’s something magical about a whale – friends who’ve actually been whale watching tell me it will bring tears of joy and amazement to your eyes. Wally wasn’t a killer whale or anything, more understated, dignified, very British in many ways.

How and why he got here we don’t know. Sent of course by navy sonar equipment? Heading west towards the Atlantic unfamiliar with the concept of rivers? Who knows? But he’s not the first. London has had some strange visitors in her history, most recently a giant turtle was spotted in East London and a piranha was discovered in the Thames in 2004 - but none have been welcomed as warmly as Wally, since perhaps Paddington Bear when he arrived from Darkest Peru. It’s just a shame he had to stay permanently.


Walk-In Wounded
Plans have been unveiled to install doctors' surgeries at four of London’s busiest train stations. King’s Cross, Liverpool Street, Victoria and Canary Wharf will all house a state-of-the-art NHS Walk-In centre offering commuters the chance to see a doctor on their way to or from work.

Thief Gets Time
Reggae star, Beenie Man, lost his £90,000 diamond-encrusted watch to muggers while attending a record store opening in Brixton. Loyal fans, however, leapt to the rescue, overpowering the thief and returning the timepiece to the Jamaican dancehall legend.

Red Cuba
Simply Red frontman, Mick Hucknall, is hard at work transferring his hit singles into a hot musical for London stage. The production, ‘Simply Cuban’, tells the tale of a Caribbean love story.

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