Monday 6th October  20:38 pm Good Evening

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Nelson's Column April Down the Pan 17th April 2006 A message of support for those who are trying to save our loos Strange as it may seem, I think I actually used a London public toilet at some point in my life. Before you avert your eyes from this column, shuddering with disgust, I should offer the excuse that I must have been very young . It is one of those memories that is more a sensation than a clear picture: dirt, decay, disorder and a pervading stench. But it is proof there was once a time when people used to use public toilets for something other than drug abuse and cottaging. Indeed, there must once have been a time when a suburban mother was perfectly happy to take a small child into one, when a crisis occurred on a shopping trip. Since that day, though, I am proud to say the only one of London’s public toilets I have ever entered is the one in Shepherd’s Bush that has become the rather lovely bar/club Ginglik. I pass them occasionally, and my assumption is always that by now their interiors must be unbelievably squalid, a little bit of the 19th century - open sewers, scurrying rats and gin-swilling vagabonds, you get the picture - transplanted wholesale into the 21st century. And now I read in Time Out that there are campaigns afoot to rescue these repulsive Victorian relics. Surely one of the most misguided conservationists, along with the weirdos determined to save the hideous rows of tenements that are destined to be bull-dozed to make way for our shiny new Olympic village (which will be ready around 2015, if the Wembley fiasco is anything to go by). It is part and parcel of being a Londoner, this irrational affection for your city’s least salubrious aspects. Ask us what our favourite thing in this city is, and the answer will be the grim modernist buildings of the South Bank, the sordid alleys of Soho, or Camden Market, where I recently saw a rat the size of a terrier eating a smaller rat. Nobody will ever mention, say, Buckingham Palace, the Royal Opera House or St Paul’s Cathedral. Why is it that we find these grimy spots so enticing when we are surrounded by a millennium of the greatest architectural projects in the world? It’s something to do, I think, with every Londoner’s need to be an insider, to prove that they’re closer to this city than the tourist hordes who march from ancient beauty-spot to ancient beauty-spot. It’s a sign of our love for our home, and symbolises our membership of the London tribe. So although I will not miss those toilets and tenements, I can salute the dedication of those trying to save them. Internet Star it Born A pop star from Tooting has embarked on a world tour – all from the comfort of her own bedroom. Singer Sandi Thom has been performing to global audiences of 60,000 every night via a webcam set up in her home. Tube Heaven for Under 11s As of the 2nd April, under 11s will be able to travel free on the Tube and DLR. The exemption only applies to children travelling with adults during off-peak hours. The youngsters will be able to walk through barriers without a ticket. What a Chew-sance! Merton Council hopes to save the £150 million they spend each year dealing with discarded chewing gum, by encouraging chewers to stick their redundant gum on large boards placed in public areas. Covered in plastic coating, the four boards placed in Wimbledon’s Centre Court shopping centre will be changed six times a week. September 2008 23rd September Chips too Chavvy for Chelsea 16th September The London Restaurant Awards August 2008 26th August No Smoking, No Ducks, No Barbecues 20th August The Olympics July 2008 24th July Sandwiched Out 17th July The Show Ain't Over 'Til the Fat Lady's on Page 3 June 2008 26th June Love All at Wimbledon 16th June Miller Puts the Heat on Tennant May 2008 27th May Booze Banned on Buses 20th May Same Again? April 2008 23rd April By George 11th April Back to the 80s March 2008 28th March How do You Solve A Problem Like Medea? 20th March Flight Fantastic February 2008 20th February Dark, Satanic Turnmills 6th February A Diamond in the Drink January 2008 21st January People Wanted for Plinth 14th January Boo! Hiss! December 2007 28th December Tate That - A Hirst for Art 20th December Christmas Shopping November 2007 27th November Mind the Gap 26th November London On A Tray October 2007 26th October Leaving the Station 14th October The Sky's the Limit September 2007 26th September The Play Within A Play 19th September Fashion, Frocks and Celeb Shocks 12th September Saying Tanks for the Mammaries August 2007 24th August Heathrow under Siege 17th August Gormless 10th August Losing Face July 2007 24th July Are We Reaching Boiling Point Yet This Summer? 13th July Red Ken versus Blonde Boris June 2007 22nd June Last Orders at the Fag Machine 11th June London the Musical May 2007 21st May What Lurks Beneath 10th May The Stuff Dreams Are Made Of April 2007 27th April London’s Walk on the Wild Side 20th April Stand Behind the Yellow Line 13th April Like Water for Chocolate March 2007 23rd March So, Another Magazine 16th March Avoiding iContact February 2007 23rd February Sex and Art... 16th February C-Charge Protest Fails to Bring Down Government 9th February Live Earth London January 2007 26th January A Vote for Shilpa is a Vote for Britain 18th January Carriage on up the West End December 2006 29th December Food for Thought 22nd December A Poisonous Marketing Campaign 15th December In for a Penny, In for Five Pounds November 2006 17th November Big Department Stores Leave Santa Out in the Cold 10th November Failing to Save the World October 2006 27th October Frozen Prawns and Melting Icecaps 20th October Predatory Pelicans and Happy Woodland Folk 13th October Hope at last for east end of Oxford Street September 2006 16th September Lite the Blue Paper and Stand Well Back 9th September Of Poles and Twiglets August 2006 25th August Free Fares For the Fat and the Fashionable 11th August London Friendly 4th August Archway To Organic Heaven July 2006 21st July London - Celebrity Frat House 7th July Out of the Galleries into the Streets June 2006 23rd June Mayors, Nightmares and Marias 16th June Downright Rude in Paris and London 9th June Enter the Inferno May 2006 26th May Curvaceous Border 12th May Vegging Out April 2006 21st April The Camden Crawl 17th April Down the Pan 13th April I Want to Break Free 9th April Big Brother seems to have been left in a bar somewhere 7th April Don't Box Me In March 2006 24th March Political Correctness Reaches New Heights February 2006 24th February A Stadium's Tale: Cup Final Goes West 17th February Modern Musicals are Rubbish 10th February The City-Side Alliance January 2006 20th January February Sales 20th January Moby Sick 13th January Glass Half Full 3rd January Three Cheers for the Tube Station Workers December 2005 22nd December January Bites 16th December A Remarkable Year November 2005 25th November And a Partridge in a JCB 11th November Driving Miss Sadie 4th November Spam, Spam, Spammity-Spam, Shakespeare, Zorro, Chico and Rasputin October 2005 28th October Trick or Treat? 21st October We Don't Mind a Little Delay... 14th October Final Resting Place for Young British Artists September 2005 16th September Just a small urn for me, please barman 9th September DRINK! DRINK! DRINK! 2nd September The Free Tenor August 2005 30th August Samba Rhythms Breaking Out All Over The Stadium 20th August Getting Behind the Iron Farce 10th August Mystery Play is No Sell Out July 2005 29th July Moving On From 7/7 22nd July Get loaded in the park 15th July Victoire!!