Wednesday 20th August  18:01 pm Good Evening

on today on tomorrow other dates...

Nelson's Column April Big Brother seems to have been left in a bar somewhere 9th April 2006 Can the nanny state cope with my state of mind? I was a late adopter of the Oyster Card – like so many Londoners my immediate reaction to London Underground telling me to do something is to give them a taste of their own medicine and delay it as long as possible. So a few months ago I finally bought one, topped it up with my hard-earned cash, and learnt the trick of swooping it across the reader without taking it out of the rather dinky little suede wallet I bought for it. And then I lost it. And then I lost my next one a few days later. And another one a few days after that, when I hadn’t even had anything to drink! An unusually perky Station Assistant pitched to get me to fork out for a monthly Oyster, but I brusquely refused him, since this would just exacerbate the problem. It’s not that it’s going to break the bank, and any lefty conspiracy-theorist will tell you that it’s good to lose these things occasionally… stops Them from tracking your movements. I’m just worried about what’s going to happen when they bring out the ID card. Am I going to have to start stockpiling tinned food, unable to leave the house because I left my ID card in Sketch after my friend’s birthday? Will I come under suspicion of ID trading every time I have a bad month and have to apply for a new one three or four times? Will they even fit in attractive mini-wallets with discreet designer logos on the side? Though I suspect that actually the capital is going to be rather a good place to avoid all this stuff. We’ve all grown up being hemmed in by health and safety, and we’ve all learnt just how ingenious Londoners can be at ignoring and bending the law. I somehow can’t picture the home of the protest march and the orbital rave as a place where people will just give up their cigarettes, carry their cards and smile at the CCTV. And yes, I know it’s all for our benefit, but we wouldn’t be British if we didn’t drag our feet and complain, and we certainly wouldn’t be Londoners if we didn’t find some way of bending the law as close to breaking point as it will go. Are You Being Sentenced? Oxford Street department store Selfridges has agreed, in theory, to install 10 cells inside its shop. The arrangement, reached with Metropolitan Police, means that the store will be able to hold suspected Oxford Street shoplifters and credit card fraudsters on its premises. Ginger Nuts It sounds like an April Fool, and maybe it is, but rumour has it that the Oxford Street Plaza is to host a special weekend on April 1st and April 2nd devoted to red-heads. Head on down for your chance to vote for your celebrity carrot-top. Capability Townies Neglected public areas of south London are being spruced up by a team of guerrilla gardeners. Under the cover of darkness the green-fingered gang brighten up verges, roundabouts and traffic islands using a lethal arsenal of begonias, bulbs and Baby Bio. July 2008 24th July Sandwiched Out 17th July The Show Ain't Over 'Til the Fat Lady's on Page 3 June 2008 26th June Love All at Wimbledon 16th June Miller Puts the Heat on Tennant May 2008 27th May Booze Banned on Buses 20th May Same Again? April 2008 23rd April By George 11th April Back to the 80s March 2008 28th March How do You Solve A Problem Like Medea? 20th March Flight Fantastic February 2008 20th February Dark, Satanic Turnmills 6th February A Diamond in the Drink January 2008 21st January People Wanted for Plinth 14th January Boo! Hiss! December 2007 28th December Tate That - A Hirst for Art 20th December Christmas Shopping November 2007 27th November Mind the Gap 26th November London On A Tray October 2007 26th October Leaving the Station 14th October The Sky's the Limit September 2007 26th September The Play Within A Play 19th September Fashion, Frocks and Celeb Shocks 12th September Saying Tanks for the Mammaries August 2007 24th August Heathrow under Siege 17th August Gormless 10th August Losing Face July 2007 24th July Are We Reaching Boiling Point Yet This Summer? 13th July Red Ken versus Blonde Boris June 2007 22nd June Last Orders at the Fag Machine 11th June London the Musical May 2007 21st May What Lurks Beneath 10th May The Stuff Dreams Are Made Of April 2007 27th April London’s Walk on the Wild Side 20th April Stand Behind the Yellow Line 13th April Like Water for Chocolate March 2007 23rd March So, Another Magazine 16th March Avoiding iContact February 2007 23rd February Sex and Art... 16th February C-Charge Protest Fails to Bring Down Government 9th February Live Earth London January 2007 26th January A Vote for Shilpa is a Vote for Britain 18th January Carriage on up the West End December 2006 29th December Food for Thought 22nd December A Poisonous Marketing Campaign 15th December In for a Penny, In for Five Pounds November 2006 17th November Big Department Stores Leave Santa Out in the Cold 10th November Failing to Save the World October 2006 27th October Frozen Prawns and Melting Icecaps 20th October Predatory Pelicans and Happy Woodland Folk 13th October Hope at last for east end of Oxford Street September 2006 16th September Lite the Blue Paper and Stand Well Back 9th September Of Poles and Twiglets August 2006 25th August Free Fares For the Fat and the Fashionable 11th August London Friendly 4th August Archway To Organic Heaven July 2006 21st July London - Celebrity Frat House 7th July Out of the Galleries into the Streets June 2006 23rd June Mayors, Nightmares and Marias 16th June Downright Rude in Paris and London 9th June Enter the Inferno May 2006 26th May Curvaceous Border 12th May Vegging Out April 2006 21st April The Camden Crawl 17th April Down the Pan 13th April I Want to Break Free 9th April Big Brother seems to have been left in a bar somewhere 7th April Don't Box Me In March 2006 24th March Political Correctness Reaches New Heights February 2006 24th February A Stadium's Tale: Cup Final Goes West 17th February Modern Musicals are Rubbish 10th February The City-Side Alliance January 2006 20th January February Sales 20th January Moby Sick 13th January Glass Half Full 3rd January Three Cheers for the Tube Station Workers December 2005 22nd December January Bites 16th December A Remarkable Year November 2005 25th November And a Partridge in a JCB 11th November Driving Miss Sadie 4th November Spam, Spam, Spammity-Spam, Shakespeare, Zorro, Chico and Rasputin October 2005 28th October Trick or Treat? 21st October We Don't Mind a Little Delay... 14th October Final Resting Place for Young British Artists September 2005 16th September Just a small urn for me, please barman 9th September DRINK! DRINK! DRINK! 2nd September The Free Tenor August 2005 30th August Samba Rhythms Breaking Out All Over The Stadium 20th August Getting Behind the Iron Farce 10th August Mystery Play is No Sell Out July 2005 29th July Moving On From 7/7 22nd July Get loaded in the park 15th July Victoire!! June 2005 24th June New Balls, Please 17th June The End of an Unsightly Era 10th June The Hooded Law May 2005 31st May Widespread Diso-’Beeb’-ience