Tuesday 6th January  10:33 am Good Morning

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Nelson's Column August Free Fares For the Fat and the Fashionable 25th August 2006 An influx of under-18s on the buses may not be to everyone's advantage Now, it’s not so long since I was a teenager that I’ve forgotten the pleasures and terrors of travelling by bus at that age. The joy of lounging with your cool friends at the back, gossiping with the girls, flirting with the boys, and making it clear to the grown-ups that you were younger, more attractive and way more fun. Or the terrible fear when you realised that getting to a seat meant going past those tough girls from the school down the road, and then apparently forgetting how to walk, stumbling your way past, and being jeered all the way to your seat. Bus travel is an essential, thrilling part of teenage life in the big city. But Mayor Ken’s plan to make bus travel free for all under-18s strikes me as very dangerous indeed. I don’t mean to come across all Mary Whitehouse on you, but the last thing we need is for children and teenagers to become more mobile. The average pre-teen appears to have their finger on the pulse of fashion in a way that I never achieved at any stage in my life. Discreet designer labels, vintage classics, witty riffs on the tropes of MTV fashion, asymmetrical this, customised that... It’s terribly depressing for a girl with a substantial income and an interest in looking good to find herself taking style tips from people less than half her age. And when these kids can hop on any old bus without paying a penny, imagine the vista that will open up beyond their local high streets: Mayfair, Floral Street, Seven Dials, Portobello Road. By the time they hit fourteen, they’ll be lounging around with the gorgeous metrosexual staff in every boutique, laughing at us oldies and our pathetic clothes. Our only hope is that free transport will finally make them give up on using their feet to get anywhere: when the child obesity epidemic kicks in, it should do so with a vengeance and there’s only so much that clothes can do for you if you’ve spent all that bus money on Mars Bars and Smirnoff Ice. This autumn’s colour is red, and horizontal stripes are still going strong. I’d like to see a three hundred pound twelve-year-old look good in that outfit. Freesheet Flurry A new free London newspaper is now circulating in the capital and a further rival freesheet is due to begin circulation next week. Media giant Associated Newspapers has launched its free paper London Lite, signalling the start of its freesheet battle with rival News International. Their new title will be called Thelondonpaper and like London Lite will have a print run of about 400,000 copies. The two new afternoon newspapers will be targeted at younger commuters who get much of their news from websites and do not expect to pay for a newspaper. It will bring the total of London’s freesheets to four – the Metro and City AM are already distributed in the morning. Flame Academy The Royal Academy of Art came under threat when a next door building caught fire. Despite the effort of over 60 firefighters, the roof of one of the prestigious establishment's buildings was severely damaged. A fire brigade spokesman said 30% of the roof had been completely destroyed by the fire, but thankfully no artworks were damaged in the blaze. The Saatchi gallery had been preparing a major exhibition on American Art in the damaged building due to open on 6 October. The date will now be postponed. Following the Momart Warehouse fire in 2004, it seems Saatchi has yet again been affected by fire. Soca Shocker! More than 800,000 people partied in the streets of West London during the 42nd Notting Carnival on Bank Holiday Weekend. 50,000 carnival performers and 84 floats transformed the local neighbourhood into a colourful Caribbean spectacle. A happy mix of traditional steelband Soca music and hip hop beats rang out from over 41 static sound systems along the three-mile parade route. This year in the wake of London’s successful 2012 Olympic bid, the carnival theme was “unity”. December 2008 23rd December January is on the Horizon 20th December Merry Christmas November 2008 26th November All The World's A Stage 20th November Surviving the Crunch October 2008 24th October Boris v Jingjing 17th October Soaps in Pole Position September 2008 23rd September Chips too Chavvy for Chelsea 16th September The London Restaurant Awards August 2008 26th August No Smoking, No Ducks, No Barbecues 20th August The Olympics July 2008 24th July Sandwiched Out 17th July The Show Ain't Over 'Til the Fat Lady's on Page 3 June 2008 26th June Love All at Wimbledon 16th June Miller Puts the Heat on Tennant May 2008 27th May Booze Banned on Buses 20th May Same Again? April 2008 23rd April By George 11th April Back to the 80s March 2008 28th March How do You Solve A Problem Like Medea? 20th March Flight Fantastic February 2008 20th February Dark, Satanic Turnmills 6th February A Diamond in the Drink January 2008 21st January People Wanted for Plinth 14th January Boo! Hiss! December 2007 28th December Tate That - A Hirst for Art 20th December Christmas Shopping November 2007 27th November Mind the Gap 26th November London On A Tray October 2007 26th October Leaving the Station 14th October The Sky's the Limit September 2007 26th September The Play Within A Play 19th September Fashion, Frocks and Celeb Shocks 12th September Saying Tanks for the Mammaries August 2007 24th August Heathrow under Siege 17th August Gormless 10th August Losing Face July 2007 24th July Are We Reaching Boiling Point Yet This Summer? 13th July Red Ken versus Blonde Boris June 2007 22nd June Last Orders at the Fag Machine 11th June London the Musical May 2007 21st May What Lurks Beneath 10th May The Stuff Dreams Are Made Of April 2007 27th April London’s Walk on the Wild Side 20th April Stand Behind the Yellow Line 13th April Like Water for Chocolate March 2007 23rd March So, Another Magazine 16th March Avoiding iContact February 2007 23rd February Sex and Art... 16th February C-Charge Protest Fails to Bring Down Government 9th February Live Earth London January 2007 26th January A Vote for Shilpa is a Vote for Britain 18th January Carriage on up the West End December 2006 29th December Food for Thought 22nd December A Poisonous Marketing Campaign 15th December In for a Penny, In for Five Pounds November 2006 17th November Big Department Stores Leave Santa Out in the Cold 10th November Failing to Save the World October 2006 27th October Frozen Prawns and Melting Icecaps 20th October Predatory Pelicans and Happy Woodland Folk 13th October Hope at last for east end of Oxford Street September 2006 16th September Lite the Blue Paper and Stand Well Back 9th September Of Poles and Twiglets August 2006 25th August Free Fares For the Fat and the Fashionable 11th August London Friendly 4th August Archway To Organic Heaven July 2006 21st July London - Celebrity Frat House 7th July Out of the Galleries into the Streets June 2006 23rd June Mayors, Nightmares and Marias 16th June Downright Rude in Paris and London 9th June Enter the Inferno May 2006 26th May Curvaceous Border 12th May Vegging Out April 2006 21st April The Camden Crawl 17th April Down the Pan 13th April I Want to Break Free 9th April Big Brother seems to have been left in a bar somewhere 7th April Don't Box Me In March 2006 24th March Political Correctness Reaches New Heights February 2006 24th February A Stadium's Tale: Cup Final Goes West 17th February Modern Musicals are Rubbish 10th February The City-Side Alliance January 2006 20th January February Sales 20th January Moby Sick 13th January Glass Half Full 3rd January Three Cheers for the Tube Station Workers December 2005 22nd December January Bites 16th December A Remarkable Year November 2005 25th November And a Partridge in a JCB 11th November Driving Miss Sadie 4th November Spam, Spam, Spammity-Spam, Shakespeare, Zorro, Chico and Rasputin October 2005 28th October Trick or Treat? 21st October We Don't Mind a Little Delay... 14th October Final Resting Place for Young British Artists September 2005 16th September Just a small urn for me, please barman