Saturday 6th September  21:04 pm Good Evening

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Nelson's Column August London Friendly 11th August 2006 What surveys can't tell you about life in the capital This week saw the publication of yet another survey branding London the least friendly city in Europe. This astonishing and ill-considered conclusion is based on some vital statistics. Apparently only a third of us would answer back if spoken to on the tube. And only half of us would strike up a conversation with a stranger on the street. This reporter finds the notion of unfriendly London hard to credit. When nearly two million people are expected to turn out for carnival, dancing in the streets, eating dodgy food, and crashing living room parties, how can anyone say that we’re trapped in a hostile place? The summer has seen Londoners hit the streets in their millions for hundreds of public events. It may be true that the suburbs are quiet and reserved, but that’s because people are out in town. When you come home, it’s time to put your feet up. Just because I’m only a nodding acquaintance with my neighbour doesn’t mean I don’t smile when I see him taking out his small fleet of children in their matching blue and white hoops at the start of the football season. And I’m grateful that the kids re-enact the match in our huge local park rather than booting the ball against my back fence. Does that make me a curmudgeon? I think what’s needed is a clearer definition of what constitutes neighbourly and friendly behaviour. We’re not living in LA, where a huge fake smile for every passing pedestrian is de rigueur. The quality which Londoners have, which prevents us from yammering willy-nilly with strangers on the bus, is known as good old fashioned British Reserve. I say ‘quality’ because our reserve is in fact an admirable characteristic, one for which we are admired by Europeans, and envied by Americans. It’s different from the grumpy money focus of New Yorkers. The moment when this reserve breaks down, is hugely rewarding. Striking up a conversation in London brings a broad smile to the face of both participants: they have decided to stop and make time. Because you’re worth it. In a decade where immigration and working lifestyles are supposed to be fracturing society, London leads the way for the rest of Europe and the world. We are a model of cosmopolitan living – and our multicultural events, like Mela, Carnival, Chinese New Year and the Polish Festival, are not just ‘right on’ ideas. They are wonderful events that Londoners born and bred look forward to immensely. A bit of reserve on the daily commute and between groups of friends doesn’t make us unfriendly – it helps to underline the serious pleasure we take in life in the most multicultural city in Europe. There is so much going on in London every day and we would not be doing it if we didn’t enjoy ourselves. And finally, the best thing about British reserve, as I’ve said, is when it breaks down. There’s nothing funnier than watching a weekend warrior with his blazer tied around his waist and his face painted by toddlers, swaying behind a carnival float with a beer in one hand and a hotdog in the other. See you on the All Saints Road. Tooting: the Final Frontier It appears residents of Tooting have had a close encounter of the third kind. Stunned witnesses gawped in amazement as two sets of bright orange lights flew eerily across the skies of Balham and Tooting. Onlookers tried to capture the action on film as the unexplained flying objects fleetingly lit up the sky. Experts are now calling for more spectators to come forward in a bid to help them discover what they were. Keen to find out the nature of the objects, UFO specialists are currently speculating that it was experimental craft or military activity. At the moment however, it’s a complete mystery and the truth evades us all. Wag Tag Last year, 7,021 stray dogs were found on streets of London and over 157 of them had to be put down. These shocking statistics were published by Dogs Trust, the UK’s largest dog welfare charity, and clearly reveal the need for dog owners to take more responsibility for their canine pets. They are also urging Londoners to ensure that their dogs get a microchip and ID tag to ensure that any lost animals can be reunited with their owners. Last year the technology helped to reunite 24 percent of the capitals stray dogs with their owners. FA ‘confident’ Wembley will host Cup Final. Again The fiasco that is the new Wembley Stadium is never out of the headlines. Due to have been finished in August 2005 the venture has been crippled with problems and still hasn’t been completed. However, the FA remains confident Wembley will host next year’s FA Cup Final, despite builders saying it won’t be ready for test event until June 2007. The organisation claims that no plans have been made to book the Millennium Stadium in Cardiff for the FA Cup Final. Blame is squarely placed on the shoulders of Multiplex, the construction company responsible for building the stadium. The company is already behind on revised deadlines for 2006. It is fair to say, the situation has become something of a national embarrassment. We won’t be holding our breath for an FA Cup final in the stadium but we certainly wish them luck. August 2008 26th August No Smoking, No Ducks, No Barbecues 20th August The Olympics July 2008 24th July Sandwiched Out 17th July The Show Ain't Over 'Til the Fat Lady's on Page 3 June 2008 26th June Love All at Wimbledon 16th June Miller Puts the Heat on Tennant May 2008 27th May Booze Banned on Buses 20th May Same Again? April 2008 23rd April By George 11th April Back to the 80s March 2008 28th March How do You Solve A Problem Like Medea? 20th March Flight Fantastic February 2008 20th February Dark, Satanic Turnmills 6th February A Diamond in the Drink January 2008 21st January People Wanted for Plinth 14th January Boo! Hiss! December 2007 28th December Tate That - A Hirst for Art 20th December Christmas Shopping November 2007 27th November Mind the Gap 26th November London On A Tray October 2007 26th October Leaving the Station 14th October The Sky's the Limit September 2007 26th September The Play Within A Play 19th September Fashion, Frocks and Celeb Shocks 12th September Saying Tanks for the Mammaries August 2007 24th August Heathrow under Siege 17th August Gormless 10th August Losing Face July 2007 24th July Are We Reaching Boiling Point Yet This Summer? 13th July Red Ken versus Blonde Boris June 2007 22nd June Last Orders at the Fag Machine 11th June London the Musical May 2007 21st May What Lurks Beneath 10th May The Stuff Dreams Are Made Of April 2007 27th April London’s Walk on the Wild Side 20th April Stand Behind the Yellow Line 13th April Like Water for Chocolate March 2007 23rd March So, Another Magazine 16th March Avoiding iContact February 2007 23rd February Sex and Art... 16th February C-Charge Protest Fails to Bring Down Government 9th February Live Earth London January 2007 26th January A Vote for Shilpa is a Vote for Britain 18th January Carriage on up the West End December 2006 29th December Food for Thought 22nd December A Poisonous Marketing Campaign 15th December In for a Penny, In for Five Pounds November 2006 17th November Big Department Stores Leave Santa Out in the Cold 10th November Failing to Save the World October 2006 27th October Frozen Prawns and Melting Icecaps 20th October Predatory Pelicans and Happy Woodland Folk 13th October Hope at last for east end of Oxford Street September 2006 16th September Lite the Blue Paper and Stand Well Back 9th September Of Poles and Twiglets August 2006 25th August Free Fares For the Fat and the Fashionable 11th August London Friendly 4th August Archway To Organic Heaven July 2006 21st July London - Celebrity Frat House 7th July Out of the Galleries into the Streets June 2006 23rd June Mayors, Nightmares and Marias 16th June Downright Rude in Paris and London 9th June Enter the Inferno May 2006 26th May Curvaceous Border 12th May Vegging Out April 2006 21st April The Camden Crawl 17th April Down the Pan 13th April I Want to Break Free 9th April Big Brother seems to have been left in a bar somewhere 7th April Don't Box Me In March 2006 24th March Political Correctness Reaches New Heights February 2006 24th February A Stadium's Tale: Cup Final Goes West 17th February Modern Musicals are Rubbish 10th February The City-Side Alliance January 2006 20th January February Sales 20th January Moby Sick 13th January Glass Half Full 3rd January Three Cheers for the Tube Station Workers December 2005 22nd December January Bites 16th December A Remarkable Year November 2005 25th November And a Partridge in a JCB 11th November Driving Miss Sadie 4th November Spam, Spam, Spammity-Spam, Shakespeare, Zorro, Chico and Rasputin October 2005 28th October Trick or Treat? 21st October We Don't Mind a Little Delay... 14th October Final Resting Place for Young British Artists September 2005 16th September Just a small urn for me, please barman 9th September DRINK! DRINK! DRINK! 2nd September The Free Tenor August 2005 30th August Samba Rhythms Breaking Out All Over The Stadium 20th August Getting Behind the Iron Farce 10th August Mystery Play is No Sell Out July 2005 29th July Moving On From 7/7 22nd July Get loaded in the park 15th July Victoire!!