Wednesday 20th August  17:17 pm Good Afternoon

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Nelson's Column December A Poisonous Marketing Campaign 22nd December 2006 How Itsu raised the bar for bad taste advertising Just back from a last frantic dash round the shops (surprisingly uncrowded this year, didn’t you think?), a chore which was hugely enlivened by walking along Piccadilly and seeing what they’ve done to the celebrated Russian-spy-radiation-poisoning branch of Itsu. I have a healthy respect for the worst outrages performed by advertisers... I was neither surprised nor disgusted when ‘Opium’ perfume upped the sexual ante on their rivals by covering London in huge billboards depicting a woman mid-coitus. When a new bar in Brixton chose to send a press release saying ‘Come to Brixton for a double shot’ the day after two people were gunned down outside The Fridge Nightclub, I made it my personal mission to plug them everywhere I could as a reward for their daring tastelessness (‘The Bar With No Name’ on Railton Road, if you’re interested. Excellent Martinis, and a pleasingly weird music policy). But Itsu has topped the lot. Their response to the poisoning of an insignificant former KGB pen-pusher made me want to burst into spontaneous applause. (By the way, stop reading now if you’re likely to go along Piccadilly in the next few weeks. I don’t want to spoil the surprise for you). They’ve decided to rebrand as a murdered-spy theme bar. The entire front window of the restaurant has been covered with that big swirly gunsight thing from the opening credits of James Bond. And at the centre there’s a sign that says ‘An international espionage incident has transformed this Itsu into a world famous meeting place’. It’s as if Mayor Ken had decided to treat July 7th as an opportunity to woo extreme tourism fans and appeared on television in a flak jacket shouting “Come to the new front line in the war of terror! Bombs! Explosions! Extra-judicial killings! We got it all! It’s like Rambo II out here!” Itsu will be reopening after Christmas with what their website refers to as "a brand new look". What’s the betting that this will involve close-up photos of radioactive isotopes, staff with their heads shaved bald and an enormous photo of Vladimir Putin looming over the dining room? I certainly hope it does, anyway. “Come to Itsu, you’ll be positively glowing after our special sashimi”. Seaside Drama Blackpool - the UK's biggest seaside resort - could be the new home of the National Theatre Museum. Currently located in Covent Garden the V & A-owned museum is set to close its London doors in January 2007. The move north would see the collection expanded to include regional archive material from the Pleasure Beach, the Tower Circus and the Grand Theatre. East End Amsterdam Gets Green Light Dutch architect Erick van Egeraat has been approached to help transform London’s Lower Lea Valley into an East End Amsterdam as part of the London Thames Gateway’s Water City scheme. The area, covering 1,450 hectares, boasts five and a half miles of rivers and canals which will be transformed into a “green artery” running through the heart of the Thames Gateway. Surfing on the Square Leicester Square now boasts free, round-the-clock, Wi-Fi internet access. The 8mb line covering most of the capital’s rendezvous hotspot will allow tourists and locals alike to hook up without having to pay for the privilege to do so. July 2008 24th July Sandwiched Out 17th July The Show Ain't Over 'Til the Fat Lady's on Page 3 June 2008 26th June Love All at Wimbledon 16th June Miller Puts the Heat on Tennant May 2008 27th May Booze Banned on Buses 20th May Same Again? April 2008 23rd April By George 11th April Back to the 80s March 2008 28th March How do You Solve A Problem Like Medea? 20th March Flight Fantastic February 2008 20th February Dark, Satanic Turnmills 6th February A Diamond in the Drink January 2008 21st January People Wanted for Plinth 14th January Boo! Hiss! December 2007 28th December Tate That - A Hirst for Art 20th December Christmas Shopping November 2007 27th November Mind the Gap 26th November London On A Tray October 2007 26th October Leaving the Station 14th October The Sky's the Limit September 2007 26th September The Play Within A Play 19th September Fashion, Frocks and Celeb Shocks 12th September Saying Tanks for the Mammaries August 2007 24th August Heathrow under Siege 17th August Gormless 10th August Losing Face July 2007 24th July Are We Reaching Boiling Point Yet This Summer? 13th July Red Ken versus Blonde Boris June 2007 22nd June Last Orders at the Fag Machine 11th June London the Musical May 2007 21st May What Lurks Beneath 10th May The Stuff Dreams Are Made Of April 2007 27th April London’s Walk on the Wild Side 20th April Stand Behind the Yellow Line 13th April Like Water for Chocolate March 2007 23rd March So, Another Magazine 16th March Avoiding iContact February 2007 23rd February Sex and Art... 16th February C-Charge Protest Fails to Bring Down Government 9th February Live Earth London January 2007 26th January A Vote for Shilpa is a Vote for Britain 18th January Carriage on up the West End December 2006 29th December Food for Thought 22nd December A Poisonous Marketing Campaign 15th December In for a Penny, In for Five Pounds November 2006 17th November Big Department Stores Leave Santa Out in the Cold 10th November Failing to Save the World October 2006 27th October Frozen Prawns and Melting Icecaps 20th October Predatory Pelicans and Happy Woodland Folk 13th October Hope at last for east end of Oxford Street September 2006 16th September Lite the Blue Paper and Stand Well Back 9th September Of Poles and Twiglets August 2006 25th August Free Fares For the Fat and the Fashionable 11th August London Friendly 4th August Archway To Organic Heaven July 2006 21st July London - Celebrity Frat House 7th July Out of the Galleries into the Streets June 2006 23rd June Mayors, Nightmares and Marias 16th June Downright Rude in Paris and London 9th June Enter the Inferno May 2006 26th May Curvaceous Border 12th May Vegging Out April 2006 21st April The Camden Crawl 17th April Down the Pan 13th April I Want to Break Free 9th April Big Brother seems to have been left in a bar somewhere 7th April Don't Box Me In March 2006 24th March Political Correctness Reaches New Heights February 2006 24th February A Stadium's Tale: Cup Final Goes West 17th February Modern Musicals are Rubbish 10th February The City-Side Alliance January 2006 20th January February Sales 20th January Moby Sick 13th January Glass Half Full 3rd January Three Cheers for the Tube Station Workers December 2005 22nd December January Bites 16th December A Remarkable Year November 2005 25th November And a Partridge in a JCB 11th November Driving Miss Sadie 4th November Spam, Spam, Spammity-Spam, Shakespeare, Zorro, Chico and Rasputin October 2005 28th October Trick or Treat? 21st October We Don't Mind a Little Delay... 14th October Final Resting Place for Young British Artists September 2005 16th September Just a small urn for me, please barman 9th September DRINK! DRINK! DRINK! 2nd September The Free Tenor August 2005 30th August Samba Rhythms Breaking Out All Over The Stadium 20th August Getting Behind the Iron Farce 10th August Mystery Play is No Sell Out July 2005 29th July Moving On From 7/7 22nd July Get loaded in the park 15th July Victoire!! June 2005 24th June New Balls, Please 17th June The End of an Unsightly Era 10th June The Hooded Law May 2005 <