Wednesday 20th August  17:54 pm Good Afternoon

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Nelson's Column February C-Charge Protest Fails to Bring Down Government 16th February 2007 But who are these people who claim to use their cars in Central London? Ha! Ha! Ha! Do you know how many people turned up for the demonstration against the C-Charge Zone Expansion, after literally tens of thousands of words of anguished editorial in the right-wing press? One hundred and fifty. That’s two-hundred-and-fifty less than turned up for a pillow fight in Trafalgar square last Christmas, a hundred less than have signed up for a Petition on the Number 10 website to ‘improve letter boxes’ (no more details given. Your guess is as good as mine), and only a couple more than came to the dreadful, dreadful New Year’s Eve party I was obliged to attend this year. Driving anywhere in London is like walking in the countryside: it might seem like a good idea, but it always takes at least nine times as long as you’d expect, and leaves you crippled with fury at dead ends, aggressive locals and incomprehensible maps. If Londoners are in a hurry, they get the tube. If we want to enjoy a journey, we hop on a double-decker bus – very nippy in these post C-Charge days - or into a black cab. But we all know better than to drive. Which begs the question of who these hundred-and-fifty protestors were. Some four or five, I have no doubt, are people whose livelihood is genuinely threatened by the new zone. Several more, I would guess, were journalists from the area, hoping for a scoop, and incidentally furious that they were going to have to pay if they wanted to drive to the organic butcher’s at 12:15, when everyone else in the country was at work. But I suspect that most of them were people who live just beyond the fringes of K & C, but have always claimed their homes were ‘just off King Street’, ‘oh, I’m a real Notting Hillbilly, mwah, mwah’ or ‘up the road from Chelsea harbour’, and are now furious that those big red ‘C’ symbols on the road prove that they live in dull Hammersmith, dirty Shepherd’s Bush or crack-happy Kensal Rise. My apologies to anyone whose life has genuinely been spoiled by the C-Charge, but let the rest of you raise a cheer to Ken for adding a whole extra level to postcode-snobbery. Tate Modern is Worse than Blackpool With a 21% increase in visitor numbers since 2005, Tate Modern is now the second most visited venue in the country. 4.9m visitors during 2006 make the Bankside modern art gallery second only to the Blackpool Pleasure Beach with its annual scoop of 5.6 million. Hampstead Heathens Stop the Music Kenwood House’s popular summer concert series has been cancelled this year following complaints from local residents. Concerns over noise and traffic increase led to English Heritage’s decision to halt the event which usually attracts over 60,000 yearly visitors. Last Orders for London's Boozers London’s pub population is on the decrease with an average of five watering holes closing down each week. The capital lost 230 inns in 2006 – a 53% increase on the previous year – a trend which seems set to continue. July 2008 24th July Sandwiched Out 17th July The Show Ain't Over 'Til the Fat Lady's on Page 3 June 2008 26th June Love All at Wimbledon 16th June Miller Puts the Heat on Tennant May 2008 27th May Booze Banned on Buses 20th May Same Again? April 2008 23rd April By George 11th April Back to the 80s March 2008 28th March How do You Solve A Problem Like Medea? 20th March Flight Fantastic February 2008 20th February Dark, Satanic Turnmills 6th February A Diamond in the Drink January 2008 21st January People Wanted for Plinth 14th January Boo! Hiss! December 2007 28th December Tate That - A Hirst for Art 20th December Christmas Shopping November 2007 27th November Mind the Gap 26th November London On A Tray October 2007 26th October Leaving the Station 14th October The Sky's the Limit September 2007 26th September The Play Within A Play 19th September Fashion, Frocks and Celeb Shocks 12th September Saying Tanks for the Mammaries August 2007 24th August Heathrow under Siege 17th August Gormless 10th August Losing Face July 2007 24th July Are We Reaching Boiling Point Yet This Summer? 13th July Red Ken versus Blonde Boris June 2007 22nd June Last Orders at the Fag Machine 11th June London the Musical May 2007 21st May What Lurks Beneath 10th May The Stuff Dreams Are Made Of April 2007 27th April London’s Walk on the Wild Side 20th April Stand Behind the Yellow Line 13th April Like Water for Chocolate March 2007 23rd March So, Another Magazine 16th March Avoiding iContact February 2007 23rd February Sex and Art... 16th February C-Charge Protest Fails to Bring Down Government 9th February Live Earth London January 2007 26th January A Vote for Shilpa is a Vote for Britain 18th January Carriage on up the West End December 2006 29th December Food for Thought 22nd December A Poisonous Marketing Campaign 15th December In for a Penny, In for Five Pounds November 2006 17th November Big Department Stores Leave Santa Out in the Cold 10th November Failing to Save the World October 2006 27th October Frozen Prawns and Melting Icecaps 20th October Predatory Pelicans and Happy Woodland Folk 13th October Hope at last for east end of Oxford Street September 2006 16th September Lite the Blue Paper and Stand Well Back 9th September Of Poles and Twiglets August 2006 25th August Free Fares For the Fat and the Fashionable 11th August London Friendly 4th August Archway To Organic Heaven July 2006 21st July London - Celebrity Frat House 7th July Out of the Galleries into the Streets June 2006 23rd June Mayors, Nightmares and Marias 16th June Downright Rude in Paris and London 9th June Enter the Inferno May 2006 26th May Curvaceous Border 12th May Vegging Out April 2006 21st April The Camden Crawl 17th April Down the Pan 13th April I Want to Break Free 9th April Big Brother seems to have been left in a bar somewhere 7th April Don't Box Me In March 2006 24th March Political Correctness Reaches New Heights February 2006 24th February A Stadium's Tale: Cup Final Goes West 17th February Modern Musicals are Rubbish 10th February The City-Side Alliance January 2006 20th January February Sales 20th January Moby Sick 13th January Glass Half Full 3rd January Three Cheers for the Tube Station Workers December 2005 22nd December January Bites 16th December A Remarkable Year November 2005 25th November And a Partridge in a JCB 11th November Driving Miss Sadie 4th November Spam, Spam, Spammity-Spam, Shakespeare, Zorro, Chico and Rasputin October 2005 28th October Trick or Treat? 21st October We Don't Mind a Little Delay... 14th October Final Resting Place for Young British Artists September 2005 16th September Just a small urn for me, please barman 9th September DRINK! DRINK! DRINK! 2nd September The Free Tenor August 2005 30th August Samba Rhythms Breaking Out All Over The Stadium 20th August Getting Behind the Iron Farce 10th August Mystery Play is No Sell Out July 2005 29th July Moving On From 7/7 22nd July Get loaded in the park 15th July Victoire!! June 2005 24th June New Balls, Please 17th June The End of an Unsightly Era 10th June The Hooded Law May 2005 31st May