Tuesday 6th January  14:04 pm Good Afternoon

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Nelson's Column March So, Another Magazine 23rd March 2007 Just what affluent Londoners need, isn't it? When I heard about ‘So London’ - a new weekly magazine dedicated to my favourite city and aimed at the "affluent" Londoner - I thought "Perfect. Those clever marketing men at Associated Newspapers have identified me and tailored a mag just for me!" At least, I’m sure that’s what they wanted me to think which immediately made me suspicious – no one likes to be spoon fed, even if it is from a silver spoon. Looking at the weekly titles this fledgling mag will be up against, we’ve got the brain-numbing celebrity-soaked glossies(‘New’, ‘Now’, ‘Closer’, ‘Grazia’ et al), the more serious types like ‘The Economist’ and ‘Time’, along with Londoners’ listings mag ‘Time Out’. But ‘So London’ believe they’ve spotted a gap in the market (the marketing men have clearly been hard at work here identifying their USP). Instead of appealing to the lowest common reader ‘So London’ sticks its nose up at such low-brow headlines as ‘Which supermodel has cellulite?’. Instead the magazine employs writers who are as affluent as they intend their readers to be including Charlotte de Rothschild and Charles’ stepson-to-be and ‘Tatler’ food critic, Tom Parker Bowles. To kick off, Bryan Appleyard - columnist for ‘The Sunday Times’ - previews the V&A’s 'Surreal Things' show. Of course we all know about Dada and Dali (good to know three years studying History of Art wasn’t a complete waste) but it’s always useful to get another point of view on the subject which I can pass off as my own at dinner parties. I like to think I can at least appear intelligent, but the truth is I do find a thirst for knowledge when it comes to what Kate’s wearing this week. And I’m not alone; some of my most well-educated friends admit they’re guilty of ‘Grazia’ addiction. So what will ‘So London’ do to make us want to pick up a copy and educate ourselves? First thing that strikes you is the cover, which has the feel of ‘The New Yorker’ and reminded me of a Spitting Image caricature. The popular 80s satire TV show was known for its acerbic political commentary, so borrowing their stylistic mores is a promising start. A flick through the 98 gloriously glossy pages reveals some interesting articles covering the all-important topics of culture, property and galleries. An entry by Lionel Shriver, author of ‘We Need to Talk About Kevin’ (if you haven’t read it, do), critiques the chick-lit fluff in a serious and compelling tone. Features on the future of organic farming are peppered by glossy ads for Porsche, Blackberry phones and those dreadful Foxtons people – surely the most irritating estate agents in the capital. There’s enough here to keep the city banker occupied, with the focus on billion pound property and an entire section dedicated to ‘Luxury’ on their website. It’s the sort of mag that you might tuck under your arm on your way to a meeting with your bank manager or city banker boyfriend. And all this for the bargain price of £2.95 – cheaper than a V&T in The Cow and so much more entertaining. So let’s give thanks to the people who bring us our daily ‘Evening Standard’ and ‘Daily Mail’ for fulfilling our weekly reading needs with the upmarket ‘So London’. I feel so much more affluent after just one flick through, think how much more upwardly mobile I’ll feel when I get a subscription. Smile You’re on Rancid Camera Ealing Council are to secrete hidden spy cameras in baked bean tins and then hide them in wheelie bins in a bid to catch householders putting rubbish out at the wrong times. The CCTV bugs will capture images of wheelie-bin mis-users, graffiti artists and vandals and email them directly to the council’s surveillance HQ. Who Says Westminster Workmen are Bone Idle? Workmen digging up a Westminster street have discovered human remains. The bones, unearthed on Great Peter Street close to the Speaker public house, are said to be “very old” and have been sent off for forensic tests. Fish Get Frisky London’s Thames will be teeming with native salmon in only few years thanks to 5,000 fingerlings that have just been reintroduced into the river. The Thames breed died out almost 200 years ago but over recent decades the river has started to clean up its act and has now been declared capable of supporting its own breeding population. December 2008 23rd December January is on the Horizon 20th December Merry Christmas November 2008 26th November All The World's A Stage 20th November Surviving the Crunch October 2008 24th October Boris v Jingjing 17th October Soaps in Pole Position September 2008 23rd September Chips too Chavvy for Chelsea 16th September The London Restaurant Awards August 2008 26th August No Smoking, No Ducks, No Barbecues 20th August The Olympics July 2008 24th July Sandwiched Out 17th July The Show Ain't Over 'Til the Fat Lady's on Page 3 June 2008 26th June Love All at Wimbledon 16th June Miller Puts the Heat on Tennant May 2008 27th May Booze Banned on Buses 20th May Same Again? April 2008 23rd April By George 11th April Back to the 80s March 2008 28th March How do You Solve A Problem Like Medea? 20th March Flight Fantastic February 2008 20th February Dark, Satanic Turnmills 6th February A Diamond in the Drink January 2008 21st January People Wanted for Plinth 14th January Boo! Hiss! December 2007 28th December Tate That - A Hirst for Art 20th December Christmas Shopping November 2007 27th November Mind the Gap 26th November London On A Tray October 2007 26th October Leaving the Station 14th October The Sky's the Limit September 2007 26th September The Play Within A Play 19th September Fashion, Frocks and Celeb Shocks 12th September Saying Tanks for the Mammaries August 2007 24th August Heathrow under Siege 17th August Gormless 10th August Losing Face July 2007 24th July Are We Reaching Boiling Point Yet This Summer? 13th July Red Ken versus Blonde Boris June 2007 22nd June Last Orders at the Fag Machine 11th June London the Musical May 2007 21st May What Lurks Beneath 10th May The Stuff Dreams Are Made Of April 2007 27th April London’s Walk on the Wild Side 20th April Stand Behind the Yellow Line 13th April Like Water for Chocolate March 2007 23rd March So, Another Magazine 16th March Avoiding iContact February 2007 23rd February Sex and Art... 16th February C-Charge Protest Fails to Bring Down Government 9th February Live Earth London January 2007 26th January A Vote for Shilpa is a Vote for Britain 18th January Carriage on up the West End December 2006 29th December Food for Thought 22nd December A Poisonous Marketing Campaign 15th December In for a Penny, In for Five Pounds November 2006 17th November Big Department Stores Leave Santa Out in the Cold 10th November Failing to Save the World October 2006 27th October Frozen Prawns and Melting Icecaps 20th October Predatory Pelicans and Happy Woodland Folk 13th October Hope at last for east end of Oxford Street September 2006 16th September Lite the Blue Paper and Stand Well Back 9th September Of Poles and Twiglets August 2006 25th August Free Fares For the Fat and the Fashionable 11th August London Friendly 4th August Archway To Organic Heaven July 2006 21st July London - Celebrity Frat House 7th July Out of the Galleries into the Streets June 2006 23rd June Mayors, Nightmares and Marias 16th June Downright Rude in Paris and London 9th June Enter the Inferno May 2006 26th May Curvaceous Border 12th May Vegging Out April 2006 21st April The Camden Crawl 17th April Down the Pan 13th April I Want to Break Free 9th April Big Brother seems to have been left in a bar somewhere 7th April Don't Box Me In March 2006 24th March Political Correctness Reaches New Heights February 2006 24th February A Stadium's Tale: Cup Final Goes West 17th February Modern Musicals are Rubbish 10th February The City-Side Alliance January 2006 20th January February Sales 20th January Moby Sick 13th January Glass Half Full 3rd January Three Cheers for the Tube Station Workers December 2005 22nd December January Bites 16th December A Remarkable Year November 2005 25th November And a Partridge in a JCB 11th November Driving Miss Sadie 4th November Spam, Spam, Spammity-Spam, Shakespeare, Zorro, Chico and Rasputin October 2005 28th October Trick or Treat? 21st October We Don't Mind a Little Delay... 14th October Final Resting Place for Young British Artists September 2005 16th September Just a small urn for me, please barman