This year, like every year, I thought I’d get organised and do my Christmas shopping early. Wouldn’t it be great to avoid that last minute dash around the shops, I thought. In fact, I’ll be so clever, the internal dialogue in my head went on, I’ll avoid the shops altogether. Instead, I’ll do everything online; it’s all the rage these days. No bruised ankles and frayed tempers for me. Or so I thought.
It’s four shopping days till Christmas and I still haven’t got half way down my ‘to buy’ list. Dammit. It’s not even a very long list, just immediate family, so why has the predictable annual panic taken hold?
Looking on the bright side, the sales have already started – which might, if I’m honest, explain my reluctance to get organised and do my Christmas shopping six weeks in advance. I blame my inner skin-flint. It’s like a test of patience between the shops and the shoppers to see who can hold out the longest. So I’ve stared them out, beaten them at their own game and the prices have been slashed. Now I’ve got four days of running around the shops grabbing all the bargains before collapsing in a heap under the tree.
The only snag is I suspect I’m not the only bright spark who’s had this idea. A quick straw poll of my friends confirms this. Not one of my equally cavalier friends can meet up for a sneaky pre-Christmas drink, they’re all too busy going… you guessed it, last minute shopping. “Am just sadly defeated by my list of things to do,” emails one friend, cancelling our drinks date the very day we were meant to be meeting up, “and I haven’t even started on buying Christmas presents either. Panic.” Under normal circumstances I’d be annoyed by the last minute notice but, as it happens, I couldn’t have put it better myself.
Some clever websites have made my Christmas shopping job much easier by publishing lists of the sales and where best to bag a bargain. Top Shop, hmm… I don’t think I’ll find anything for Auntie Judy in there but it’d be such a shame to let those half price party dresses by Kate Moss go to someone else. And so much better to get them now, before they’ve been trashed by everyone else riffling through them. Wait until after Christmas and you’ll only be left with the man-handled scraps.
Walking down Oxford Street from H & M to Zara en route to Debenhams, I spot the 50 per cent off signs up at French Connection. No matter that I already have five bags hanging about my person. Suddenly it strikes me that I haven’t actually bought a single thing for anyone else. Some quick mental arithmetic and I realise my present cost per head will have to be trimmed to take account for my reckless and entirely selfish present purchasing. What can you actually get for £10? Not much, I can tell you.
By five o’clock the Saturday night before Christmas I’ll be throwing the budget out the window and panic buying three-for-one offers from Boots. And don’t forget, the very day after all those presents that have been so agonised over have been ripped into (and soon discarded), the January sales begin…
Merry Christmas everyone!
Trafalgar’s Birds Dropping
Is Trafalgar Square’s resident pigeon population starving to death? Tests carried out on five of the area’s dead birds revealed “empty gizzards” and “poor bodily condition”, which the Pigeon Action Group state is the direct result of a feeding ban implemented by mayor Ken Livingstone. Since it became illegal to feed the birds in 2003 the number of pigeons in the square has dropped from 4,500 to 400. A candlelit vigil held in the square marked the demise of the capital’s most famous flying rodents.
Hanger Lanes of Horror
With its multiple intersections, complex lane markings and excessive filtering system, West London’s infamous Hanger Lane Gyratory has been officially named Britain’s most terrifying road junction. Following Spaghetti Junction in second place, Marble Arch and Elephant and Castle ranked 3rd and 4th for motoring fear factor.
Tate Gains Weight
With the promise of a £50 million investment from the Government, London’s Tate Modern is on course for a £215 million extension in time for the opening of the 2012 Olympics. With 11 floors, the proposed Jenga-style structure on the South Bank aims to ease overcrowding and offer more space for the gallery’s extensive collection.
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