[LondonTown.com Header Image (Thames Scene)]
Wednesday 20th August 
17:35 pm
Good Afternoon 

















 








Nelson's Column
February
A Diamond in the Drink 6th February 2008
Bling Drinks are a Girl's Best Friend
It was a bad week for boozing Britain as reports just out show that our national partiality for getting slightly sozzled has escalated out of control. The news will hardly come as a shock to anyone who has been out in Soho on a Friday night. More surprising is that you can spend £35,000 on a single drink.

Lucky, lucky, lucky Kylie was given the (world’s most expensive?) gold leaf encrusted cocktail at her post-Brits bash while hundreds of her guests were left stranded on the pavement outside, struggling to get in. What could possibly give a mere cocktail such a hefty price tag, you’d be forgiven for asking. Well, since you ask: Louis XII cognac, half a bottle of Cristal Rose champagne, brown sugar, Angostura bitters, oh and an 11-carat diamond ring at the bottom. It comes delivered not just by any old barman but a barman flanked by two security guards. How delicious.

This was certainly one of the more glamorous alcohol-related headlines in a week when intoxication reports grew more alarmist each day. “More than half of 13-year-olds have drunk alcohol”, and “The BMA says Britain is in middle of alcohol ‘epidemic’” and then “BMA hypocrites want to extend their HQ licensing hours”, daily headlines informed us. Reading the small print, apparently, women in their thirties and forties are to be the target of a government anti-drinking advertising campaign, warning of the risks of breast cancer or liver failure. Yikes. I was deeply concerned about the teenagers downing cider in the park a minute ago. Now I’m more worried about my own levels of fermented grape juice consumption.

So what if I have a chilled glass of Pinot Grigio in the evenings? Admittedly it’s more like every evening plus a couple more on the weekends – topped up by a few very large vodkas if I’m having a big night out every couple of weekends. Still, where’s the harm in that? Everyone else is doing it. Of course I’m not completely complacent or unaware of the potential damage it can do – on a purely superficial level (though admittedly not the most important) is the one I’ll almost certainly notice first, it’s terribly ageing.

But I did manage to ditch the white wine witch recently – for a month anyway. On the advice of my acupuncturist, I spent four weeks on the wagon, not a single drop of the special brew passed my lips. I surprised myself, who knew I had such deep-reaching levels of self-control. But once I’d started it was easy. The hard part wasn’t not drinking, it was not drinking and having a life. In fact, the only discernable difference was an allergy to going out.

Sitting in the pub nursing a cranberry juice is possibly the least amount of fun a girl can have on a night out. Dinner parties aren’t exactly a barrel of laughs either without a Chardonnay to act as social lubricant. The challenge was finding things to do that didn’t revolve around a glass of crisp, dry white. Trips to the cinema increased, tea and coffee dates replaced cocktails and cavorting in clubs. In short, I became more staid and sensible (read old and boring) in one dry month than I had in the previous drink sodden twelve. And, guess what? I didn’t come away with renewed energy, my complexion didn’t glow and not one single person asked me if I’d been away on holiday.

In an attempt to curb our alcoholic excesses, the super of the supermarkets, Tesco’s, has proposed that the government step in to stop their two-for-one cut price offers on bottles of wine. The pubs and bars have already abandoned it, now this spells the end of happy hour down at Waitrose too. So, what’s left to look forward to? Saddo night at the bingo? Give me a £35,000 cocktail any day.
A Woman's Work
The first female Serjeant at Arms has been appointed to the House of Commons almost 600 years after Henry V inaugurated the role in Parliament. Jill Pay will be up-to-speed on all security matters and she’ll get to carry a mace and a sword (presumably just for show and not for security matters). The 40-strong security team, who the new serjeant will be in charge of, is jokingly referred to as "the men in tights" because of their uniform of breeches, stockings and buckled shoes – all primed and ready for action then!
One is not Amused!
News just in: Prince Charles does not want to live in a high-rise block, even if it’s the penthouse. The future king has attacked towering skyscrapers blighting London’s skyline, in one case threatening to overshadow the true tower – the Tower of London – with a 160-metre skyscraper. Even the views from Clarence House and his mother’s pad Buckingham Palace could be obscured and what would one do then?
In-flight Entertainment
Forget 007 doing loop-the-loops and mortal combat in the skies above London; this is more handbags at dawn air hostess style. British Airways is said to be incensed at Bond producers signing a second deal with rival Virgin Atlantic – BA even cut the scene of Sir Richard Branson walking through an airport in its in-flight showings of ‘Casino Royale’ so ‘brace’ yourself for even more toys being shown the emergency exit as new Bond film ‘Quantum of Solace’ shoots skyward.
July 2008
24th July
Sandwiched Out
17th July
The Show Ain't Over 'Til the Fat Lady's on Page 3
June 2008
26th June
Love All at Wimbledon
16th June
Miller Puts the Heat on Tennant
May 2008
27th May
Booze Banned on Buses
20th May
Same Again?
April 2008
23rd April
By George
11th April
Back to the 80s
March 2008
28th March
How do You Solve A Problem Like Medea?
20th March
Flight Fantastic
February 2008
20th February
Dark, Satanic Turnmills
6th February
A Diamond in the Drink
January 2008
21st January
People Wanted for Plinth
14th January
Boo! Hiss!
December 2007
28th December
Tate That - A Hirst for Art
20th December
Christmas Shopping
November 2007
27th November
Mind the Gap
26th November
London On A Tray
October 2007
26th October
Leaving the Station
14th October
The Sky's the Limit
September 2007
26th September
The Play Within A Play
19th September
Fashion, Frocks and Celeb Shocks
12th September
Saying Tanks for the Mammaries
August 2007
24th August
Heathrow under Siege
17th August
Gormless
10th August
Losing Face
July 2007
24th July
Are We Reaching Boiling Point Yet This Summer?
13th July
Red Ken versus Blonde Boris
June 2007
22nd June
Last Orders at the Fag Machine
11th June
London the Musical
May 2007
21st May
What Lurks Beneath
10th May
The Stuff Dreams Are Made Of
April 2007
27th April
London’s Walk on the Wild Side
20th April
Stand Behind the Yellow Line
13th April
Like Water for Chocolate
March 2007
23rd March
So, Another Magazine
16th March
Avoiding iContact
February 2007
23rd February
Sex and Art...
16th February
C-Charge Protest Fails to Bring Down Government
9th February
Live Earth London
January 2007
26th January
A Vote for Shilpa is a Vote for Britain
18th January
Carriage on up the West End
December 2006
29th December
Food for Thought
22nd December
A Poisonous Marketing Campaign
15th December
In for a Penny, In for Five Pounds
November 2006
17th November
Big Department Stores Leave Santa Out in the Cold
10th November
Failing to Save the World
October 2006
27th October
Frozen Prawns and Melting Icecaps
20th October
Predatory Pelicans and Happy Woodland Folk
13th October
Hope at last for east end of Oxford Street
September 2006
16th September
Lite the Blue Paper and Stand Well Back
9th September
Of Poles and Twiglets
August 2006
25th August
Free Fares For the Fat and the Fashionable
11th August
London Friendly
4th August
Archway To Organic Heaven
July 2006
21st July
London - Celebrity Frat House
7th July
Out of the Galleries into the Streets
June 2006
23rd June
Mayors, Nightmares and Marias
16th June
Downright Rude in Paris and London
9th June
Enter the Inferno
May 2006
26th May
Curvaceous Border
12th May
Vegging Out
April 2006
21st April
The Camden Crawl
17th April
Down the Pan
13th April
I Want to Break Free
9th April
Big Brother seems to have been left in a bar somewhere
7th April
Don't Box Me In
March 2006
24th March
Political Correctness Reaches New Heights
February 2006
24th February
A Stadium's Tale: Cup Final Goes West
17th February
Modern Musicals are Rubbish
10th February
The City-Side Alliance
January 2006
20th January
February Sales
20th January
Moby Sick
13th January
Glass Half Full
3rd January
Three Cheers for the Tube Station Workers
December 2005
22nd December
January Bites
16th December
A Remarkable Year
November 2005
25th November
And a Partridge in a JCB
11th November
Driving Miss Sadie
4th November
Spam, Spam, Spammity-Spam, Shakespeare, Zorro, Chico and Rasputin
October 2005
28th October
Trick or Treat?
21st October
We Don't Mind a Little Delay...
14th October
Final Resting Place for Young British Artists
September 2005
16th September
Just a small urn for me, please barman
9th September
DRINK! DRINK! DRINK!
2nd September
The Free Tenor
August 2005
30th August
Samba Rhythms Breaking Out All Over The Stadium
20th August
Getting Behind the Iron Farce
10th August
Mystery Play is No Sell Out
July 2005
29th July
Moving On From 7/7
22nd July
Get loaded in the park
15th July
Victoire!!
June 2005
24th June
New Balls, Please
17th June
The End of an Unsightly Era