Thursday 16th October  4:25 am Good Morning

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Nelson's Column April By George 23rd April 2008 I think we’ve got it On St George’s Day I woke up to the good news that Gordon wants us all to do a bit of flag waving for our patron saint. Usually the only time you see large scale waving of the red on white St George’s cross, is during the World Cup – you can’t get away from it then, hanging from every other house and fluttering out of car windows. I’m all in favour of reclaiming the flag from unruly football fans but I think Gordon could do more. Doesn’t St George deserve a public holiday? Or more accurately – because how much use is a day off to a long-dead saint – don’t we? I’ve dutifully signed the online petition and am waiting to see if online petitions ever get you anywhere. Still waiting… Cynics may reasonably argue that backing St George’s Day as a Bank Holiday has little to do with national pride and more to do with getting an extra day out of the office. And they’d be mostly right. But there’s a bit more to it than that. It’s also about pondering what it means to be English at a time when we’re not sure what that really it’s all about. Importantly, it’s also an excuse for a jolly old knees-up – something the English are very good at. Like most English people (well, I’m half English but who’s counting) I’m not usually one to celebrate the old Turkish dragon slayer – more of us mark Guy Fawkes than St George’s Day, apparently. But, in the interests of research, I went along to the mayor-backed celebration of Englishness in London’s Trafalgar Square, a tasty showing from traders more usually found at London’s larder, Borough Market. Looking like it’d be a wash-out (very English), I set out with an umbrella (English too) only to discover it turned out nice again (even more English). Among the very English entertainment were nattering old ladies brewing tea, green grocers selling books by the pound (lb not £) and a giant compost heap, all over-looked by an ice cream van. Best of all were two men in bow ties, centre stage, doing a hilarious musical recital which included very un-PC lyrics about blowing up aeroplanes with bottles of Evian. Brilliant. If having St George’s as a day off means we can do more of this kind of thing then I’m signing up right now. I couldn’t help noticing, with a wry smile, how few people visiting the market – aside from the traders - who were actually sporting any kind of St George’s cross – I counted three. Mainly they were baffled tourists queuing up for a bit of food. So it seems there’s more raising awareness work to be done. In a bid to beef up George’s profile – bet Boris wishes he had this PR machine behind him – English Heritage has waded in on the subject, producing a ‘Top Celebration Tips’ guide to the saint’s day. Dragon chasing, eating very English food – try chicken tikka masala – and downing essentially English drinks – lashings of ginger beer or a good old fashioned pint – are among the recommended ways to celebrate. It sounds as incongruous as the Famous Five having an awfully exciting adventure slaying fire breathing mystical creatures on Brick Lane. But the fun doesn’t stop there, English Heritage has even commissioned an ‘Ode to St George’. ‘The True Dragon’, a kind of ‘Jerusalem’ for today, with its wistful pondering on ‘England’s valley full of light’, brings a patriotic tear to the eye. Oh go on Gordon, you’re a Scot, you must understand how much we need a day off for Eng-er-land. Handbags at Dawn It’s been a tough few weeks for BAA, not to mention the unfortunate holidaymakers who thought they’d be jetting off from Heathrow’s shiny new Terminal 5. As we mentioned last month, it’s always been a controversial project with green protestors and people from Hounslow (living under the flight path) but add 28,000 misplaced bags and Naomi Campbell throwing a strop in first class and you’ve got, well, utter chaos really. Brucie Bonus! Ah, the Palladium and Bruce Forsyth. It’s like the Globe and Shakespeare, Buckingham Palace and the Queen, Ken and City Hall…it was definitely “nice to see” him back at the theatre where he became a household name with ‘Sunday Night at the London Palladium’. This time, though, he was receiving a BAFTA – a Fellowship award, no less – following in the eminent footsteps of Morecambe and Wise and Charlie Chaplin and with Dame Judi smiling on. What a night for our Bruce! Just a Plane Tree We know this is Mayfair – London’s poshest postcode – but the fact that a tree has been valued at £750,000 puts the predicted property crash in perspective. The plane has stood in Berkeley Square since Victorian times and it’s very nice and all but maybe using the capital asset value for amenity trees system is going a little too far… Still, we don’t want those nightingales to stop singing! September 2008 23rd September Chips too Chavvy for Chelsea 16th September The London Restaurant Awards August 2008 26th August No Smoking, No Ducks, No Barbecues 20th August The Olympics July 2008 24th July Sandwiched Out 17th July The Show Ain't Over 'Til the Fat Lady's on Page 3 June 2008 26th June Love All at Wimbledon 16th June Miller Puts the Heat on Tennant May 2008 27th May Booze Banned on Buses 20th May Same Again? April 2008 23rd April By George 11th April Back to the 80s March 2008 28th March How do You Solve A Problem Like Medea? 20th March Flight Fantastic February 2008 20th February Dark, Satanic Turnmills 6th February A Diamond in the Drink January 2008 21st January People Wanted for Plinth 14th January Boo! Hiss! December 2007 28th December Tate That - A Hirst for Art 20th December Christmas Shopping November 2007 27th November Mind the Gap 26th November London On A Tray October 2007 26th October Leaving the Station 14th October The Sky's the Limit September 2007 26th September The Play Within A Play 19th September Fashion, Frocks and Celeb Shocks 12th September Saying Tanks for the Mammaries August 2007 24th August Heathrow under Siege 17th August Gormless 10th August Losing Face July 2007 24th July Are We Reaching Boiling Point Yet This Summer? 13th July Red Ken versus Blonde Boris June 2007 22nd June Last Orders at the Fag Machine 11th June London the Musical May 2007 21st May What Lurks Beneath 10th May The Stuff Dreams Are Made Of April 2007 27th April London’s Walk on the Wild Side 20th April Stand Behind the Yellow Line 13th April Like Water for Chocolate March 2007 23rd March So, Another Magazine 16th March Avoiding iContact February 2007 23rd February Sex and Art... 16th February C-Charge Protest Fails to Bring Down Government 9th February Live Earth London January 2007 26th January A Vote for Shilpa is a Vote for Britain 18th January Carriage on up the West End December 2006 29th December Food for Thought 22nd December A Poisonous Marketing Campaign 15th December In for a Penny, In for Five Pounds November 2006 17th November Big Department Stores Leave Santa Out in the Cold 10th November Failing to Save the World October 2006 27th October Frozen Prawns and Melting Icecaps 20th October Predatory Pelicans and Happy Woodland Folk 13th October Hope at last for east end of Oxford Street September 2006 16th September Lite the Blue Paper and Stand Well Back 9th September Of Poles and Twiglets August 2006 25th August Free Fares For the Fat and the Fashionable 11th August London Friendly 4th August Archway To Organic Heaven July 2006 21st July London - Celebrity Frat House 7th July Out of the Galleries into the Streets June 2006 23rd June Mayors, Nightmares and Marias 16th June Downright Rude in Paris and London 9th June Enter the Inferno May 2006 26th May Curvaceous Border 12th May Vegging Out April 2006 21st April The Camden Crawl 17th April Down the Pan 13th April I Want to Break Free 9th April Big Brother seems to have been left in a bar somewhere 7th April Don't Box Me In March 2006 24th March Political Correctness Reaches New Heights February 2006 24th February A Stadium's Tale: Cup Final Goes West 17th February Modern Musicals are Rubbish 10th February The City-Side Alliance January 2006 20th January February Sales 20th January Moby Sick 13th January Glass Half Full 3rd January Three Cheers for the Tube Station Workers December 2005 22nd December January Bites 16th December A Remarkable Year November 2005 25th November And a Partridge in a JCB 11th November Driving Miss Sadie 4th November Spam, Spam, Spammity-Spam, Shakespeare, Zorro, Chico and Rasputin October 2005 28th October Trick or Treat? 21st October We Don't Mind a Little Delay... 14th October Final Resting Place for Young British Artists September 2005 16th September Just a small urn for me, please barman 9th September DRINK! DRINK! DRINK! 2nd September The Free Tenor August 2005 30th August Samba Rhythms Breaking Out All Over The Stadium 20th August Getting Behind the Iron Farce 10th August Mystery Play is No Sell Out July 2005 29th July Moving On From 7/7