Tuesday 6th January  13:47 pm Good Afternoon

on today on tomorrow other dates...

Nelson's Column October Soaps in Pole Position 17th October 2008 East vs East TV showdown Picture the scene… It’s almost closing time at the Queen Wiktoria. After a hard day’s work shifting slabs of concrete around the square, Piotr and Grzegorz pop into the Wic for a swift slug of Wodka. Exchange pleasantries with Paulina, whilst simultaneously avoiding the swish of her huge slate earrings, they order a couple of bowls of borscht and settle down at the bar. Suddenly, in bursts Jozef Przedzienkowski with a suspicious bulge under his bomber jacket… [cue theme tune] “Do…do…do…do…do-do-do”. Hooked? I thought you might be. Fear not, dear reader, for there’s more where that came from. Follow the mass exodus back to Poland, settle yourself down in front of the telly, twiddle the aerial until you get to TVP1 (you may need some Blu Tack to hold it in place) , and get ready for the next gripping instalment of ‘Londynczycy’ (aka ‘Londoners’) – Eastern Europe’s alternative to Albert Square. With a tagline of “Great Britain, Great Expectations”, this televisual feast has been filmed on location in the capital – its scenes in Wembley, Soho and Victoria (the coach station) will, no doubt, show the city off in its best light. The storylines too (based around “true stories” gleaned from various chats with a group of immigrants living in Finchley) promise much… “There is one scene where there is a girl looking at adverts in a shop window, and a few other Poles come up and say they can help her find a good job in return for £100.” Now, if that won’t get you reaching for the Series Link button on Sky+ I don’t know what will. It was all looking really rather good (in a really bad kind of way), until I dug a little deeper. Apparently the baddies in ‘Londynczycy’ are all Poles – “Polish people [who are] screwing over other Poles”. Now, while it’s nice to know that London has become the creative inspiration for TV producers around the globe (and that Victoria Coach Station is finally to get the cultural and dramatic recognition it deserves) I can’t help but feel that we’ve been short-changed. If there’s one thing (apart from fitting 17,000 sweaty commuters into a tube carriage the size of a Ford Fiesta) that we Londoners do well, it’s the baddie-thing. We’ve got loads of them. They’re everywhere. Londoners can screw each other over as competently as the next man (or “geezer”). Surely the creative types behind ‘Londynczycy’ are missing a trick if they don’t make room for at least one “shady East End gangsta” whose role it is to loom mysteriously in the background under a flickering lamp-post, grunting, nodding and rubbing his chin intermittently before stubbing his cigarette out on a passing pram. It seems a tad unfair to allow the Poles to take all the glory. Besides that, there are literally lorry-loads of out-of-work (sorry “resting”) London actors with bald heads, husky voices and over-developed pecs just desperate to work all hours for a pittance and a free lunch. So, on behalf of all those thuggish thesps, I entreat you ‘Londynczycy’ - make space for a couple of brooding British bruisers. Go on, or we’ll set Phil and Grant on you. Mr Bubbles cleans up Trafalgar Square Trafalgar Square’s fountains played host to an impromptu foam party last week when ‘Mr Bubbles’ took bags of detergent, bubble bath and washing up liquid to the square. The prankster teenage art student is also known as Billzy on Bragster.com – a social networking which describes itself as ‘Jackass meets Facebook’. While the authorities moaned about potential damage blah blah most Londoners saw the lighter side. We say better light hearted bubbles than the usual hard hitting headlines about teenagers and knife crime. Cadbury to sponsor Olympics It may not sound like a match made in marketing heaven but the news is that chocolate makers Cadbury’s are putting down £20m-plus in sponsorship for the 2012 Olympics. The chocolates peddled by Cadbury’s don’t exactly have the same health credentials as your five-a-day but the two brands are keen to partner up. No doubt the millions from the Cadbury vaults helped to sweeten the deal. London to have highest restaurant in Europe At 288 metres tall London's Pinnacle skyscraper, nicknamed the ‘Helter Skelter’, is set to be the tallest building in the city, towering above the current leader Tower 42. Not only that, the new vertiginous office block set on Bishopsgate will also house what promises to be the highest restaurant in Europe. Those with vertigo will no doubt avoid the escalators to the eaterie which is set to give Rhodes 24 in Tower 42 a run for its money. December 2008 23rd December January is on the Horizon 20th December Merry Christmas November 2008 26th November All The World's A Stage 20th November Surviving the Crunch October 2008 24th October Boris v Jingjing 17th October Soaps in Pole Position September 2008 23rd September Chips too Chavvy for Chelsea 16th September The London Restaurant Awards August 2008 26th August No Smoking, No Ducks, No Barbecues 20th August The Olympics July 2008 24th July Sandwiched Out 17th July The Show Ain't Over 'Til the Fat Lady's on Page 3 June 2008 26th June Love All at Wimbledon 16th June Miller Puts the Heat on Tennant May 2008 27th May Booze Banned on Buses 20th May Same Again? April 2008 23rd April By George 11th April Back to the 80s March 2008 28th March How do You Solve A Problem Like Medea? 20th March Flight Fantastic February 2008 20th February Dark, Satanic Turnmills 6th February A Diamond in the Drink January 2008 21st January People Wanted for Plinth 14th January Boo! Hiss! December 2007 28th December Tate That - A Hirst for Art 20th December Christmas Shopping November 2007 27th November Mind the Gap 26th November London On A Tray October 2007 26th October Leaving the Station 14th October The Sky's the Limit September 2007 26th September The Play Within A Play 19th September Fashion, Frocks and Celeb Shocks 12th September Saying Tanks for the Mammaries August 2007 24th August Heathrow under Siege 17th August Gormless 10th August Losing Face July 2007 24th July Are We Reaching Boiling Point Yet This Summer? 13th July Red Ken versus Blonde Boris June 2007 22nd June Last Orders at the Fag Machine 11th June London the Musical May 2007 21st May What Lurks Beneath 10th May The Stuff Dreams Are Made Of April 2007 27th April London’s Walk on the Wild Side 20th April Stand Behind the Yellow Line 13th April Like Water for Chocolate March 2007 23rd March So, Another Magazine 16th March Avoiding iContact February 2007 23rd February Sex and Art... 16th February C-Charge Protest Fails to Bring Down Government 9th February Live Earth London January 2007 26th January A Vote for Shilpa is a Vote for Britain 18th January Carriage on up the West End December 2006 29th December Food for Thought 22nd December A Poisonous Marketing Campaign 15th December In for a Penny, In for Five Pounds November 2006 17th November Big Department Stores Leave Santa Out in the Cold 10th November Failing to Save the World October 2006 27th October Frozen Prawns and Melting Icecaps 20th October Predatory Pelicans and Happy Woodland Folk 13th October Hope at last for east end of Oxford Street September 2006 16th September Lite the Blue Paper and Stand Well Back 9th September Of Poles and Twiglets August 2006 25th August Free Fares For the Fat and the Fashionable 11th August London Friendly 4th August Archway To Organic Heaven July 2006 21st July London - Celebrity Frat House 7th July Out of the Galleries into the Streets June 2006 23rd June Mayors, Nightmares and Marias 16th June Downright Rude in Paris and London 9th June Enter the Inferno May 2006 26th May Curvaceous Border 12th May Vegging Out April 2006 21st April The Camden Crawl 17th April Down the Pan 13th April I Want to Break Free 9th April Big Brother seems to have been left in a bar somewhere 7th April Don't Box Me In March 2006 24th March Political Correctness Reaches New Heights February 2006 24th February A Stadium's Tale: Cup Final Goes West 17th February Modern Musicals are Rubbish 10th February The City-Side Alliance January 2006 20th January February Sales 20th January Moby Sick 13th January Glass Half Full 3rd January Three Cheers for the Tube Station Workers December 2005 22nd December January Bites 16th December A Remarkable Year November 2005 25th November And a Partridge in a JCB 11th November Driving Miss Sadie 4th November Spam, Spam, Spammity-Spam, Shakespeare, Zorro, Chico and Rasputin October 2005 28th October Trick or Treat? 21st October We Don't Mind a Little Delay... 14th October Final Resting Place for Young British Artists September 2005 16th September Just a small urn for me, please barman </